My Commentary on My Immortal
by Little Dark Dynamite
Summary: A new member of the "My Immortal Commentary Family!" ... The infamous fanfic by Tara Gilesbie commentated by me. Rated T for abuse of the English language, swearing from me and the characters, and some sexual references. All rights go to Ms. Gilesbie.
1. Chapter 1

_**So, a few months ago, I came across My Immortal and basically lost some brain cells reading it. Then I read some commentaries on it and thought that I could do my own. So here we go!**_

AN: Special fangz (get it, coz Im goffik) **No, care to explain it to me?** 2 my gf (ew not in that way) **Okay, never mind.** raven, bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da story and spelling. U rok! Justin ur da luv of my deprzzing life u rok 2! **Poor bastard...** MCR ROX! **Did you seriously bring one of my favorite bands into this? Hate you.**

**I have to admit, I only read the author's note, and I already want to stick pins in my eyes. Moving on...**

Hi my name is Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way** *Slams head on keyboard* y6y6t5rewrtyu78o0p Sue Alert... **and I have long ebony black hair (that's how I got my name) **Oh, I thought it was because you're a vampire. … Oh, whoops. Spoiler alert!**with purple streaks and red tips that reaches my mid-back and icy blue eyes like limpid tears **Limpid? I'm just going to assume that means clear.**and a lot of people tell me I look like Amy Lee (AN: if u don't know who she is get da hell out of here!). **I'm still here. Unfortunately.** I'm not related to Gerard Way but I wish I was because he's a major fucking hottie. **Gotta love incest!** I'm a vampire but my teeth are straight and white. I have pale white skin. I'm also a witch, and I go to a magic school called Hogwarts in England _**Somebody**_** failed geography class at Muggle school...** where I'm in the seventh year (I'm seventeen) **Thanks, Captain Obvious.** I'm a goth (in case you couldn't tell) **REALLY? Huh. I thought you were hipster.** and I wear mostly black. **Yeah, most vampires do****.** I love Hot Topic and I buy all my clothes from there. **Wizards and witches shop at HT? Cool****! Now I know where to go buy a birthday present for Pansy Parkinson...** For example today I was wearing a black corset with matching lace around it and a black leather miniskirt, pink fishnets and black combat boots. **So basically, you're going for a vampire hooker chic. And trust me, you've aced that look **_**perfectly.**_I was wearing black lipstick, white foundation, black eyeliner and red eye shadow. **Now on the runway: Vampire hooker chic with clown makeup. A hot look for Spring 2012.** I was walking outside Hogwarts. It was snowing and raining **Uh, it can't snow and rain at the same time...** so there was no sun, which I was very happy about. A lot of preps stared at me. I put up my middle finger at them. ** I'm usually not to fond of preps either, but at least I'm not rude to them!**

"Hey Ebony!" shouted a voice. I looked up. It was... **CHARLIE SHEEN!** Draco Malfoy! **Even better!**

"What's up Draco?" I asked.

"Nothing." he said shyly. **Draco Malfoy shy? Okay. And Justin Bieber claims he doesn't style his hair.**

But then, I heard my friends call me and I had to go away. **I have to go away, too, because I need some ibuprofen.**

AN: IS it good? PLZ tell me fangz! **If your definition of good is being the infamous fanfic of all time, then it was AWESOME!**

**_I'm not sure if I'll be able to continue this or not, since I'm still working on my Hunger Games fanfic, "Always." But I might be able to do it, even though I usually don't work on multiple projects at the same time. So should I continue with this? Let me know!_**

**_~LDD_**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2... Thanks to rlb190 for reviewing, and to DanceThroughInsanity and StupidityNowOffersWisdom for both favoriting and adding me to alert. :)**_

AN: Fangz 2 bloodytearz666 4 helpin me wif da chapta! BTW preps stop flaming ma story ok! **Well, I'm not a prep, so HA!**

The next day I woke up in my bedroom. **Where else would you wake up, Dumbledore's office?** It was snowing and raining again. **What did I say in the first chapter? It. Can't. Rain. And. Snow. At. The. Same. Time.** I opened the door of my coffin and drank some blood from a bottle I had. **Is is True Blood? **My coffin was black ebony and inside it was hot pink velvet with black lace on the ends. **You know, hot pink and black is a cute color combo. Reminds me of Avril Lavigne. Moving on... **I got out of my coffin and took of my giant MCR t-shirt which I used for pajamas. Instead, I put on a black leather dress, a pentagram necklace, combat boots and black fishnets on. I put on four pairs of earrings in my pierced ears, **You're dressed like a punk. You know that, right?** and put my hair in a kind of messy bun.

My friend, Willow (AN: Raven dis is u!) woke up then and grinned at me. She flipped her long waist-length raven black hair with pink streaks and opened her forest-green eyes. **Who flips her hair then opens her eyes?** She put on her Marilyn Manson t-shirt with a black mini, fishnets and pointy high-heeled boots. We put on our makeup (black lipstick white foundation and black eyeliner.) **You moved on to gothic makeup! Hey, it's a step up from the clown makeup you were wearing yesterday.**

"OMFG, I saw you talking to Draco Malfoy yesterday!" she said excitedly.

"Yeah? So?" I said, blushing. **Vampires can't blush...**

"Do you like Draco?" she asked as we went out of the Slytherin common room and into the Great Hall.

"No I so fucking don't!" I shouted. **YES YOU DO!**

"Yeah right!" she exclaimed. Just then, Draco walked up to me.

"Hi." he said.

"Hi." I replied flirtily. **Told you. Told you twice.**

"Guess what." he said. **Chicken butt!**

"What?" I asked.

"Well, Good Charlotte are having a concert in Hogsmeade." he told me. **Seriously? Did you just bring another one of my favorite bands into this?**

"Oh. My. Fucking. God!" I screamed. I love GC. They are my favorite band, besides MCR. **Well, I don't listen to them as much as I used to, but still...**

"Well... do you want to go with me?" he asked.

I gasped.

**Wow, what an epic cliffy! Heavy sarcasm noted.**


	3. Chapter 3

AN: STOP FLAMMING DA STORY PREPZ OK! odderwize fangs 2 da goffik ppl 4 da good reveiws! **Again, I'm not a prep. So I can still flame.** FANGS AGEN RAVEN! oh yeah, BTW I don't own dis or da lyrics 4 Good Chralotte.

On the night of the concert I put on my black lace-up boots with high heels. Underneath them were ripped red fishnets. Then I put on a black leather minidress with all this corset stuff on the back and front. **Lace? You've seriously never heard of lace?** I put on matching fishnet on my arms. I straightened my hair and made it look all spiky. I felt a little depressed then, so I slit one of my wrists. **Ughhhh, I'm going to see Green Day tonight, I'm so depressed! I'm going to slit my wrists...** I read a depressing book while I waited for it to stop bleeding **Hold up, the **_**book **_**was bleeding or your wrists? ** and I listened to some GC. I painted my nails black and put on TONS of black eyeliner. Then I put on some black lipstick. I didn't put on foundation because I was pale anyway. **Facepalm.** I drank some human blood so I was ready to go to the concert. **More True Blood? You need to buy your blood somewhere else, I heard that stuff was **_**addictive**_**.**

I went outside. Draco was waiting there in front of his flying car **Whoa, when did he get a flying car? And a flying car license?**He was wearing a Simple Plan **AHHHHH damn you! You brought another one of my bands into this stupid story! **t-shirt (they would play at the show too), baggy black skater pants, black nail polish and a little eyeliner (AN: A lot fo kewl boiz wer it ok!). **Are they gay?**

"Hi Draco!" I said in a depressed voice. **Because rock concerts always bring you down.**

"Hi Ebony." he said back. We walked into his flying black Mercedes-Benz (the license plate said 666) and flew to the place with the concert. On the way we listened excitedly to Good Charlotte and Marilyn Manson. **Okay, I don't like Marilyn Manson, so I'm not going to have a fit again. **We both smoked cigarettes and drugs. When we got there, we both hopped out of the car. We went to the mosh pit at the front of the stage and jumped up and down as we listened to Good Charlotte. **Jumping up and down? That's not moshing. That's Random Dancing.**

"You come in cold, you're covered in blood They're all so happy you've arrived The doctor cuts your cord, hands you to your mom She sets you free into this life." sang Joel (I don't own da lyrics 2 dat song). **You said that already.**

"Joel is so fucking hot." I said to Draco, pointing to him as he sung, filling the club with his amazing voice. **Don't say that in front of your crush! Dumb-ass Sue.**

Suddenly Draco looked sad. **Gee, I wonder why.**

"What's wrong?" I asked as we moshed to the music. **Once again, you're not moshing. I don't think you'd last in a real mosh pit. I have the upper body strength of a first-grader and I still survived a mosh pit.** Then I caught on.

"Hey, it's ok I don't like him better than YOU!" I said. **See, that's why you don't say the lead singer is hot in front of your crush. Catching on, Ebony?**

"Really?" asked Draco sensitively and he put his arm around me all protective. **Oh, yeah, you can do **_**totally**_** do that in a mosh pit and not worry about others knocking you to the ground.**

"Really." I said. "Besides I don't even know Joel and he's going out with Hilary fucking Duff. I fucking hate that little bitch." I said disgustedly, thinking of her ugly blonde face. **If she has a blonde face, does that mean mine is dark brown with blonde highlights?**

The night went on really well, and I had a great time. So did Draco. After the concert, we drank some beer and asked Benjiand Joel for their autographs and photos with them. We got GC concert tees. Draco and I crawled back into the Mercedes-Benz, but Draco didn't go back into Hogwarts, instead he drove the car into... the Forbidden Forest! **Oh shit!**

**_So, hope you enjoyed that! Oh, if any of you are Hunger Games fans, check out my fanfic "Always." The new chapter will be up sometime tomorrow!_**

**_~LDD_**


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4! I'm on an updating roll! Yesterday, two chapters of "Always" and two chapters of this! Now here's the chapter for today, like I promised...**_

AN: I sed stup flaming ok ebony's name is ENOBY **Ebony legally changed her name?**nut mary su OK! **Are you sure about that?** DRACO IS SOO IN LUV wif her dat he is acting defrent! dey nu eechodder b4 ok! **Whatever...**

"DRACO!" I shouted. "What the fuck do you think you are doing?"

Draco didn't answer but he stopped the flying car and he walked out of it. I walked out of it too, curiously.

"What the fucking hell?" I asked angrily.

"Ebony?" he asked.

"What?" I snapped. **Uh, he wants to kiss you. Duh.**

Draco leaned in extra-close and I looked into his gothic red eyes (he was wearing color contacts) **Why was he wearing contacts? Does he want to be a vampire, too? **which revealed so much depressing sorrowand evilness and then suddenly I didn't feel mad anymore. **Evilness doesn't make you mad? I guess that's why you're in Slytherin.**

And then... suddenly just as I Draco kissed me passionately. Draco climbed on top of me and we started to make out keenly against a tree. **Does anyone else feel sorry for the tree?** He took of my top and I took of his clothes. I even took of my bra. Then he put his thingie into my you-know-what and we did it for the first time. **Damn, girl, you have a **_**really **_**dirty mind...**

"Oh! Oh! Oh!" I screamed. I was beginning to get an orgasm. We started to kiss everywhere and my pale body became all warm. And then... **This is SO hot, I think I'm gonna, I'm gonna... No, feeling's gone. Actually, it was never there in the first place.**

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING YOU MOTHERFUKERS!"

It was...Dumbledore!

**…**

**BAWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

***calms down, fails miserably***

**HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA!**

**Hey, uh, Tara, Dumbledore's a little OOC... Ha ha haaaaa...**


	5. Chapter 5

AN: STOP flaming! **NEVER! **if u flam it menz ur a prep or a posr! Da only reson Dumbledeor swor is coz he had a hedache ok an on tup of dat he wuz mad at dem 4 having sexx! **Headache + Draco and Ebony having sex+ Tara Gilesbie= OOC Dumbledore **PS im nut updating umtil I get five good revoiws! **So why didn't you stop here?**

Dumbledore made and Draco and I follow him. He kept shouting at us angrily.

"You ludacris fools!" he shouted. **Oooohh, I'm **_**soooo **_**insulted!**

I started to cry tears of blood **Is there a doctor in the house?** down my pallid face. Draco comforted me. When we went back to the castle Dumbledore took us to Professor Snape and Professor McGonagall who were both looking very angry.

"They were having sexual intercourse in the Forbidden Forest!" he yelled in a furious voice.

"Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?" asked Professor McGonagall. **"Mediocre dunces." I have to remember that one!**

"How dare you?" demanded Professor Snape.

And then Draco shrieked. "BECAUSE I LOVE HER!"

Everyone was quiet. Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall still looked mad but Professor Snape said. "Fine. Very well. You may go up to your rooms." **Yup. That's what you do to get out of a situation like this. Scream "BECAUSE I LOVE HIM/HER!" and you're in the clear. At least that's how it seems to be in Tara-Land.**

Draco and I went upstairs while the teachers glared at us.

"Are you okay, Ebony?" Draco asked me gently.

"Yeah I guess." I lied. I went to the girl's dorm and brushed my teeth and my hair and changed into a low-cut black floor-length dress with red lace all around it and black high heels. **You're dressed very formal. Going somewhere?** When I came out... **An angry swarm of Sue Hunters attack and beat you to death.**

Draco was standing in front of the bathroom, **Damn it!** and he started to sing "I just wanna live" by Good Charlotte. I was so flattered, even though he wasn't supposed to be there. **Wait, how did he get there? What a stalker! He's worse than (dare I say it?) Edward Cullen.**We hugged and kissed. After that, we said goodnight and he reluctantly went back into his room.

_**How am I doing? ~LDD**_


	6. Chapter 6

_**Thanks to LunaGleek14 and Amy Sanger for reviewing!**_

AN: shjt up prepz ok! PS I wnot update ubtil u give me goood revows! **Revows?**

The next day I woke up in my coffin. I put on a black miniskirt that was all ripped around the end and a matching top with red skulls all over it and high heeled boots that were black. I put on two pairs of skull earrings, and two crosses in my ears. I spray-painted my hair with purple. **ARE YOU A WITCH OR NOT?**

In the Great Hall, I ate some Count Chocula cereal **Uh, hello? That's an American cereal. I don't think they would sell it in the UK.** with blood instead of milk, and a glass of red blood. **Red blood, huh? I prefer blue blood, but whatever makes you happy. **Suddenly someone bumped into me. All the blood spilled over my top.

"Bastard!" I shouted angrily. I regretted saying it when I looked up cause I was looking into the pale white face of a gothic boy with spiky black hair with red streaks in it. He was wearing so much eyeliner that Iwas going down his face **You were going down his face? That sounds so wrong... God, I have such a sick sense of humor now, my friends are bad influences... **and he was wearing black lipstick. He didn't have glasses anymore and now he was wearing red contact lenses just like Draco's and there was no scar on his forhead anymore. **Poor Harry... Come on, he already had so much to deal with, now you're going to put him through **_**this? **_He had a manly stubble on his chin. **Yeah, he is so manly with his black eyeliner and lipstick, the stubble just adds even more manliness.** He had a sexy English accent. **English accents are sexy, so I agree with you there, Tara. **He looked exactly like Joel Madden. **Ew. I love the band, but I never thought he was cute. **He was so sexy that my body went all hot when I saw him kind of like an erection only I'm a girl so I didn't get one you sicko. **Pffft.**

"I'm so sorry." he said in a shy voice.

"That's all right. What's your name?" I questioned.

"My name's Harry Potter, although most people call me Vampire these days." he grumbled. **God, imagine if Daniel Radcliffe came across this. Disaster alert!**

"Why?" I exclaimed.

"Because I love the taste of human blood." he giggled.

"Well, I am a vampire." I confessed.

"Really?" he whimpered.

"Yeah." I roared. **Dude. Roar like you mean it. Like this:**

"**YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH****!"**

**See?**

We sat down to talk for a while. Then Draco came up behind me and told me he had a surprise for me so I went away with him.


	7. Chapter 7

AN: wel ok u guyz im only writting dis cuz I got 5 god reviuws. n BTW I wont rite da nxt chapter til I git TIN god vons! **"God vons?" Are you Bela Lugosi now? ** STO FLAMING OR ILL REPORT U! Evony isn't a Marie Sue **You're right, Tara, she is not a Marie Sue. She is a Mary Sue! **ok she isn't perfect SHES A SATANITS! n she has problemz shes depressed 4 godz sake!

Draco and I held our pale white hands with black nail polish **Matching nail polish! How sweet and disturbing! **as we went upstairs. I was wearing red Satanist sings on my nails in red nail polish (AN: c doez dat sound lik a Maru Sue 2 u?). **Well, I wouldn't know. What's a Maru Sue?** I waved to Vampire. Dark misery was in his depressed eyes. **We get it, he's depressed. **I guess he was jealous of me that I was going out with Draco. **No shit! **Anyway, I went upstairs excitedly with Draco. We went into his room and locked the door. **I sense a graphic (but not really) sex scene!**

We started frenching passively **Passively: Receiving or subjecting to an action without without responding or initiating an action in return. In other words: You got yourself a sloppy kisser for a boyfriend, Ebony. **and we took off each others clothes enthusiastically. He felt me up before I took of my top. Then I took off my black leather bra **Leather bra? SO HARDCORE!** and he took off his pants. We went on the bed and started making out naked and then he put his boy's thingy in mine and we HAD SEX. (c is dat stupid?) **Called it!**

"Oh Draco, Draco!" I screamed while getting an orgasm when all of a sudden I saw a tattoo I had never seen before on Draco's arm. It was a black heart with an arrow through it. On it in bloody gothic writing were the words... Vampire! **OH HELL TO THE NO!**

I was so angry.

"You bastard!" I shouted angrily, jumping out of the bed.

"No! No! But you don't understand!" Draco pleaded. But I knew too much.

"No, you fucking idiot!" I shouted. "You probably have AIDs anyway!" **Congrats, idiot! You have it now, too!**

I put on my clothes all huffily and then stomped out. Draco ran out even though he was naked. He had a really big you-know-what **Actually, I don't...** but I was too mad to care. I stomped out and did so until I was in Vampire's classroom where he was having a lesson with Professor Snape and some other people.

"VAMPIRE POTTER, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!" I yelled.

**Shit's going down...**


	8. Chapter 8

AN: stop flassing ok! **Well, I don't know what flassing is, so... **if u do den u r a prep!

Everyone in the class stared at me and then Draco came into the room even though he was naked and started begging me to take him back. **Draco in Snape's classroom naked? Okay, that's funny!**

"Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco screamed sadly. **How do you scream ****sadly? Is it like a howl? "Ebony, it's not what you think!" Draco howled. … Much better.**

My friend B'loody Mary Smith smiled at me understatedly. **Tara, how can a smile be understated? **She flipped her long waste-length gothic black hair **Okay, first: Way to ignore my question. Two: STEREOTYPES! ARGH! Sorry, they're a major pet peeve of mine. ** and opened her crimson eyes like blood that she was wearing contact lenses on. **Why is everyone wearing contacts? Are they trying to be a vampire Stephenie Meyer-style? Because you're too good for that. Even when someone like Tara fucks all the characters up. ** She had pale white skin that she was wearing white makeup on. **More white makeup?** Hermione was kidnapped when she was born. Her real parents are vampires and one of them is a witch but Voldemort killed her mother and her father committed suicide because he was depressed about it. She still has nightmares about it and she is very haunted and depressed. It also turns out her real last name is Smith and not Granger. (Since she has converted to Satanism she is in Slytherin now not Griffindoor. ) **Wow. You just ruined one of my favorite female characters of all time.**

"What is it that you desire, you ridiculous dimwit!" Snape demeaned angrily in his cold voice but I ignored him. **"What is it that you desire?" Bahahaha! Sounds like something out of a bad romance novel!**

"Vampire, I can't believe you cheated on me with Draco!" I shouted at him.

Everyone gasped.

I don't know why Ebony was so mad at me. **WHOA! When did we get to Draco's POV? **

**Here's a little advice to new fanfic writers: Never, ever, ever switch POVs without telling us. Then it gets a little confusing! Moving on!**

I had went out with Vampire (I'm bi and so is Ebony) **Ebony's bi? When? **for a while but then he broke my heart. He dumped me because he liked Britney, a stupid preppy fucker. We were just good friends now. He had gone through horrible problems, and now he was gothic. (Haha, like I would hang out with a prep.)

"But I'm not going out with Draco anymore!" said Vampire.

"Yeah fucking right! Fuck off, you bastard!" I screamed. I ran out of the room and into the Forbidden Forest where I had lost my virility **Virility? You lost your manliness, Draco?** to Draco and then I started to bust into tears.

**Oh, that was in Ebony's POV. See, that was what I was talking about...**


	9. Chapter 9

AN: stop flaming ok! I dntn red all da boox! **One: That was pretty obvious from the start. Two: You should have.** dis is frum da movie ok so itz nut my folt if dumbeldor swers! **Yeah, it is! **besuizds I SED HE HAD A HEDACHE!** So, if he has a headache he swears? Well, I have a headache. So you're a dumb ****bitch.** and da reson snap dosent lik harry now is coz hes christian **When did Snape convert? **and vampire is a satanist! MCR ROX! **Stop bringing in my bands, dammit!**

I was so mad and sad. "**I was so torn up inside." Is that so hard? **I couldn't believe Draco for cheating on me. I began to cry against the tree where I did it with Draco. **I still feel bad for that tree.**

Then all of a suddenly, an horrible man with red eyes and no nose and everything started flying towards me on a broomstick! **How? **He didn't have a nose (basically like Voldemort in the movie) **Way to give it away in an author's note. **and he was wearing all black but it was obvious he wasn't gothic. It was... **The queen of suspense using her magic... **Voldemort!

"No!" I shouted in a scared voice but then Voldemort shouted "Imperius!" and I couldn't run away. **You mean, "Impedimenta!"**

"Crookshanks!" I shouted at him. Voldemort fell of his broom and started to scream. I felt bad for him even though I'm a sadist so I stopped.

**I have no words for that last paragraph.**

"Ebony." he yelled. "Thou must kill Vampire Potter!" **Ohhhh, Voldemort's been reading Shakespeare... Probably ****Macbeth****.**

I thought about Vampire and his sexah eyes and his gothic black hair and how his face looks just like Joel Madden. I remembered that Draco had said I didn't understand, so I thought, what if Draco went out with Vampire before I went out with him and they broke up?

"No, Voldemort!" I shouted back.

Voldemort gave me a gun. "No! Please!" I begged. **Why use a gun when you have a wand?**

"Thou must!" he yelled. "If thou does not, then I shall kill thy beloved Draco!"

"How did you know?" I asked in a surprised way.

Voldemort got a dude-ur-so-retarded look on his face. "I hath telekinesis." **Amazing that she spells "telekinesis" right. ** he answered cruelly. "And if you doth not kill Vampire, then thou know what will happen to Draco!" he shouted. Then he flew away angrily on his broomstick. **Voldy doesn't need a broomstick to fly... I think.**

I was so scared and mad I didn't know what to do. Suddenly Draco came into the woods. **"Oh, hey, Ebony, I was just strolling through the Forbidden Forest for no apparent reason! How are ya?"**

"Draco!" I said. "Hi!"

"Hi." he said back but his face was all sad. He was wearing white foundation and messy eyeliner kind of like a pentagram (geddit) **No.** between Joel Madden and Gerard Way.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No." he answered.

"I'm sorry I got all mad at you but I thought you cheated on me." I expelled. **She got expelled? PARTY TIME! DRINKS ON ME! PLAY SOME LMFAO!**

"That's okay." he said all depressed and we went back into Hogwarts together making out. **So you were making out as you were walking? How is that possible? I mean, you have to watch where you're going. You could bump into some one and... I'm rambling.**


	10. Chapter 10

AN: stup it u gay fags if u donot lik ma story den fukk off! ps it turnz out b'loody mary isn't a muggle afert al n she n vampire r evil datz y dey movd houses ok!

I was really scared about Vlodemort all day. I was even upset went to rehearsals with my gothic metal band Bloody Gothic Rose 666. **Dear God. You're in a band, too?** I am the lead singer of it and I play guitar. **And right now, somewhere in the world, the guitar gods are beginning to weep...**People say that we sound like a cross between GC, Slipknot and MCR. **Well, I don't like Slipknot, so chances are I wouldn't like your band. **The other people in the band are B'loody Mary, Vampire, Draco, Ron (although we call him Diabolo now. He has black hair now with blue streaks in it.) **Screw you. You just ruined my favorite fictional ginger. **and Hargrid. **You have an adult giant in your band? **Only today Draco and Vampire were depressed so they weren't coming and we wrote songs instead. I knew Draco was probably slitting his wrists (he wouldn't die because he was a vampire too and the only way you can kill a vampire is with a c-r-o-s-s (there's no way I'm writing that) or a steak) **You already said "cross," so what's the point of spelling it?** and Vampire was probably watching a depressing movie like The Corpse Bride. **Anything with Johnny Depp and/or Tim Burton is NOT going to be depressing. Fail.**I put on a black leather shirt that showed off my boobs _**S**_and tiny matching miniskirt that said Simple Plan on the butt. **What's up with all this leather? It reminds me of that Saturday Night Live skit with Britney Spears and Jimmy Fallon. At least I think it was Jimmy Fallon. **You might think I'm a slut but I'm really not. **Yeah, okay...**

We were singing a cover of 'Helena' and at the end of the song I suddenly bust into tears. **Hate to sound like kind of a know-it-all, but it's scientifically proven that boobs can't cry.**

"Ebony! Are you OK?" B'loody Mary asked in a concerted voice. **Concerned?**

"What the fuck do you think?" I asked angrily. And then I said. "Well, Voldemort came and the fucking bastard told me to fucking kill Harry! But I don't want to kill him, because, he's really nice, even if he did go out with Draco. But if I don't kill Harry, then Voldemort, will fucking kill Draco!" I burst into tears.

Suddenly Draco jumped out from behind a wall. **He's a wizard ninja!**

"Why didn't you fucking tell me!" he shouted. "How could you- you- you fucking poser muggle bitch!" (c is dat out of character?) **Yes. A little bit.**

I started to cry and cry. Draco started to cry too all sensitive. Then he ran out crying. **Scratch that, he's really OOC.**

We practiced for one more hour. **Your depressed and possibly suicidal boyfriend runs out of the room bawling his eyes out, and you continue to play? Shame on you. **Then suddenly Dumbeldore walked in angrily! **ANGRILY! Is anyone surprised that she spelled that right? **His eyes were all fiery and I knew this time it wasn't cause he had a headache.

"What have you done!" He started to cry wisely. **How do you cry wisely?**(c dats basically nut swering and dis time he wuz relly upset n u wil c y) "Ebony Draco has been found in his room. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists." **See? You should have gone after him when he ran out of the room, Ebony!**


	11. Chapter 11

AN: i sed stup flaming up prepz! c if dis chaptr is srupid!1111 it delz wit rly sris issus! sp c 4 urself if itz ztupid brw fangz 2 ma frend raven 4 hleping me!

"NO!" I screamed. I was horrorfied! **Horrified! **B'loody Mary tried to comfort me but I told her fuck off and I ran to my room crying myself. **Way to be a good friend. **Dumbledore chased after me shouting but he had to stop when I went into my room cause he would look like a perv that way. **That didn't stop Draco, did it?**

Anyway, I started crying tears of blood **You really need to get that checked out.** and then I slit both of my wrists. They got all over my clothes **The blood or your wrists?** so I took them off and jumped into the bath angrily **ARGH! I'm so pissed off, I'm gonna jump into the bathtub! *Takes off clothes, then jumps* ARGH! Splash splash splash! **while I put on a Linkin Park **Oh my God. Stop bringing in my bands! **song at full volume. I grabbed a steak and almost stuck it into my heart to commit suicide. **Last time I checked, you can't killed yourself by stabbing yourself with a piece of meat. A **_**stake **_**on the other hand... Does anyone have a stake?** I was so fucking depressed! **No shit! **I got out of the bathtub and put on a black low-cut dress with lace **Oh, good! She knows what lace is now!**all over it sandly. I put on black high heels with pink metal stuff on the ends and six pairs of skull earrings. I couldn't fucking believe it. Then I looked out the window and screamed... **Please tell me it's the Sue Hunters, please tell me it's the Sue Hunters... **Snap was spying on me and he was taking a video tape of me! **Awww, damn it... **And Loopin was masticating to it! **Oh, so he was watching you while enjoying some popcorn. That's nice. **They were sitting on their broomsticks. **The Hogwarts bathrooms don't have windows, so...**

"EW, YOU FUCKING PERVS, STOP LOOKING AT ME NAKED! ARE YOU PEDOS OR WHAT!" I screamed putting on a black towel with a picture of Marilyn Mason on it. **Weren't you already dressed? **Suddenly Vampire ran in.

"Abra **LIKE THE POKEMON! **Kedavra!" he yelled at Snape and Loopin pointing his womb. **I sincerely ****hope she meant "wand." Otherwise, this story has taken yet another turn to the freaky.** I took my gun **You have a wand! **and shot Snape and Loopin a gazillion times and they both started screaming and the camera broke**. But they didn't die? Wow, Ebony, you suck! Maybe if you **_**used a wand**_** you would have hit them.** Suddenly, Dumblydore ran in. "Ebony, it has been revealed that someone has - NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" he shouted looking at Snape and Loopin and then he waved his wand and suddenly...

Hargrid ran outside on his broom and said everyone we need to talk.

"What do you know, Hargrid? You're just a little Hogwarts student!" **Oh, so Tara changed Hagrid into a Hogwarts student... That's makes more sense!**

"I MAY BE A HOGWARTS STUDENT..." Hargirid paused angrily. "BUT I AM ALSO A SATANIST!" **More Satanists?**

"This cannot be." Snap said in a crisp voice as blood dripped from his hand where Dumblydore's wand had shot him. "There must be other factors."

"YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!" I yelled in madly. **Yeah, that's right, Snape, you don't have any! I don't know what you don't have any of, but YOU DON'T HAVE ANY!**

Loopin held up the camera triumelephantly. "The lens may be ruined but the tape is still there!" **Ebony=Fail.**

I felt faint, more than I normally do like how it feels when you do not drink enough blood.

"Why are you doing this?" Loopin said angrily while he rubbed his dirty hands on his clook.

And then I heard the words that I had heard before but not from him. I did not know whether to feel shocked and happy or to bite him and drink his blood because I felt faint.

"BECAUSE...BECAUSE..." Hargid said and he paused in the air dramitaclly, waving his wand in the air. Then swooped he in singing to the tune of a gothic version of a song by 50 Cent. **What the fuck?**

"Because you're goffic?" Snap asked in a little afraid voice cause he was afraind it meant he was connected with Satan.

"Because I LOVE HER!" **GOD! YOU FREAKING MARY SUE! Where are the Sue Hunters when I need them? I am one, but one Hunter isn't enough for this Sue.**


	12. Chapter 12

_**Thanks to The Mysterious E for reviewing and favoriting!**_

AN: stop f,aing ok hargrid is a pedo 2 a lot of ppl in amerikan skoolz r lik dat **No, they're not.** I wunted 2 adres da ishu! how du u no snap iant kristian plus hargrid isn't really in luv wif ebony dat was sedric ok! **Whatev...**

I was about to slit my wrists again with the silver knife that Drago had given me in case anything happened to him. **I thought Ebony could only die with a ****stake through the heart. Speaking of stakes, I can't believe no one here has one. ** He had told me to use it valiantly against an enemy but I knew that we must both go together.

"NO!" I THOUGHT IT WAS HAIRgrid but it was Vampire. He started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then... his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **You mean the whites of his eyes...**

I stopped. "How did u know?" **Know what? What is she talking about?**

"I saw it! And my scar turned back into the lightning bolt!"

"NO!" I ran up closer. "I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and it turned back into the lightning bolt! Save me! then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco...Volfemort has him bondage!"

Anyway I was in the school nurse's office now recovering from my slit wrists. **Whoa, I thought you didn't slit your wrists! **Snap and Loopin and HAHRID were there too. They were going to St. Mango's **"St. Mango's: The only hospital in the world for extremely sick and severely injured mangoes." **after they recovered cause they were pedofiles and you can't have those fucking pervs teaching in a school with lots of hot gurlz. **True, but they should go to Azkaban, not St. Mungo's.** Dumbledore had constipated the cideo camera they took of me naked. I put up my middle finger at them. **Yeah, that will show them...**

Anyway Hargrid came into my hospital bed holding a bouquet of pink roses.

"Enoby I need to tell u somethnig." he said in a v. serious voice, giving me the roses.

"Fuck off." I told him. "You know I fucking hate the color pink **If you hate pink, then why is your coffin black and hot pink?** anyway, and I don't like fucked up preps like you." I snapped. Hargrid had been mean to me before for being gottik.

"No Enoby." Hargrid says. "Those are not roses."

"What, are they goffs too you poser prep?" I asked cause I was angry that he had brought me pink roses.

"I saved your life!" He yelled angrily. "No you didn't I replied." "You saved me from getting a Paris Hilton p- video made from your shower scene and being vued by Snap and Loopin." Who MASTABATED (c is dat speld rong) **Yeah, it is.** to it he added silently.

"Whatever!" I yelled angirly.

He pointed his wand at the pink roses. "These aren't roses." He suddenly looked at them with an evil look in his eye and muttered Well If you wanted Honesty that's all you haD TO SAY! .

"That's not a spell that's an MCR song." I corrected him wisely. **Good job, Ebony! Good job!**

"I know, I was just warming up my vocal cordes." Then he screamed. "Petulus merengo mi kremicli romacio(4 all u cool goffic mcr fans out, there, that is a tribute! specially for raven I love you girl!)imo noto okayo!"

And then the roses turned into a huge black flame **BURN, BABY, BURN! **floating in the middle of the air. And it was black. **You already said it was black...** Now I knew he wasn't a prep.

"OK I believe you now wtf is Drako?" **WTF: What the fuck. Not "where the fuck."**

Hairgrid rolled his eyes. I looked into the balls of flame **Flaming balls? **but I could c nothing.

"U c, Enobby," Dumblydore said, watching the two of us watching the flame. "2 c wht iz n da flmes(HAHA U REVIEWRS FLAMES GEDDIT) **Ohhhhhh! Ha ha! I get it!**u mst find urslf 1st, k?"

"I HAVE FOUND MYSELF OK YOU MEAN OLD MAN!" Hargrid yelled. dUMBLydore lookd shockd. **Dumbledore would never look shocked like that. **I guess he didn't have a headache or else he would have said something back.

Hairgrid stormed off back into his bed. "U r a liar, prof dumbledoree!"

Anyway when I got better I went upstairs and put on a black leather minidress that was all ripped on the ends with lace on it. There was some corset stuff on the front. **Spell it out: L-A-C-E.** Then I put on black fishnets and black high-heeled boots with pictures of Billie Joe Armstrong **Damn you... You just brought in one of my imaginary husbands! **on them. I put my hair all out around me so I looked like Samara from the Ring (if u don't know who she iz ur a prep so fuk off!) and I put on blood-red lipstick, black eyeliner and black lip gloss.

"You look kawai, girl." **Kawaii? Okay, first, you're not Japanese. Second, you're not one of Gwen Stefani's backup dancers. **B'loody Mary said sadly. "Fangs (geddit) **I still don't. **you do too." I said sadly too, but I was still upset. I slit both of my wrists feeling totally depressed and I sucked all the blood. I cried again in my bathroom and put the shades on so Snap and Loopin couldn't spy on me this time. I went to some classes. Vampire was in the Hair of Magical Magic Creatures. **Cosmetology school for magical creatures. "****Class, today we're going to learn how to dye a pygmy puff's hair."** He looked all depressed because Draco had disappeared and he had used to be in love with Draco. He was sucking some blood from a Hufflepuff. **How come Hufflepuffs never get any love?**

"Hi." he said in a depressed way. "Hi back." I said in an wqually said way.

We both looked at each other for some time. Harry had beautiful red gothic eyes so much like Dracos. Then... we jumped on each other and started screwing each other. **Three letters: PDA.**

"STOP IT NOW YOU HORNY SIMPLETONS!" shouted Professor McGoggle who was watching us and so was everyone else. **Yeah, that tends to happen when you're screwing someone in public.**

"Vampire you fucker!" I said slapping him. "Stop trying to screw me. You know I loved Draco!" I shouted and then I ran away angrily. **Hey, Tara, I think Ebony's bipolar, she should get that checked out. That and she cries tears of blood.**

Just then he started to scream. "OMFG! NOOOOO! MY SCAR HURTS!" and then... his eyes rolled up! You could only see his red whites. **Whites of his eyes! It's "whites of his eyes!"**

"NO!" I ran up closer.

"I thought you didn't have a scar anymore!" I shouted.

"I do but Diabolo changed it into a pentagram for me and I always cover it up with foundation." he said back. "Anyway my scar hurt and then I had a vision of what was happening to Draco...Volfemort has him bondage!"

**Weren't we at this point before?**

SPECIAL FANGZ 2 RAVEN MY GOFFIX BLOOD SISTA WTF UR SUPPOZD 2 RIT DIS!11111111

HEY RAVEN DO U KNOW WHERE MY SWEATER I **Don't give her the sweater, Raven! Just don't!**


	13. Chapter 13

AN: raven fangz 4 gelpin me agen im sory ah tok ur postr of gerard but dat guy is such a fokin sexbom! PREPZ STOP FLAMIGNG! **I'm indie, BITCH!**

Vampire and I ran up the stairs looking for Dumbledore. We were so scared.

"Dumbledore Dumblydore!" we both yelled. Dumbledore came there. **Uh, where?**

"What is it that you want now you despicable snobs?" he asked angrily. **Tara comes up with pretty good insults. But my favorite is still "mediocre dunces."**

"Volsemort has Draco!" we shouted at the same time. **Who's Volsemort? Does Voldemort have a twin that nobody knew about? Gasp!**

He laughed in an evil voice.

"No! Don't! We need to save Draco!" we begged.

"No." he said meanly. "I don't give a darn what Voldemort does to Draco. Not after how much he misbehaved in school especially with YOU Ebony."he said while he frowned looking at me. **Dumbledore's laying down the law! **"Besides I never liked him that much anyway." then he walked away. Vampire started crying. "My Draco!" he moaned. (AN: don't u fik gay guyz r lik so hot!)

"Its okay!" I tried to tell him but that didn't stop him. He started to cry tears of blood. **More tears of blood? We need a doctor, STAT!** Then he had a brainstorm. "I had an idea!" he exclaimed.

"What?" I asked him.

"You'll see." he said. He took out his wand and did a spell. Then... suddenly we were in Voldemprt's lair! **I believe it's called Apparating.**

We ran in with our wands out just as we heard a croon voice say. "Allah Kedavra"

"**Allah! Praise Allah!" **It was... Voldemort!


	14. Chapter 14

AN: fuk off PREPZ ok! Raven fangz 4 helpin agen. im sory ah kudnt update but I wuz derperessd n I had 2 go 2 da hospital kuz I slit muh rists. PS im nut updating til u giv me 10 god revoiws! **Hate to disappoint you, but I'm 99.9% sure God didn't review. If He did, well, I'm not even gonna go there.**

WARNING: SUM OF DIS CHAPTA IS XTREMLY SCRAY. VIOWER EXCRETION ADVISD. **My brother is autistic. He can't read or write. I'm glad he won't have to read this piece of crap of a story. But if he was able to write, I'm sure he can write something scarier than this.**

We ran to where Volcemort was. It turned out that Voldemort wasn't there. Instead the fat guy who killed Cedric was. Draco was there crying tears of blood. **You guys still haven't gone to a doctor for that?** Snaketail was torturing him. Vampire and I ran in front of Snaketail.

"Rid my sight you despicable preps!" he shouted as we started shooting him with the gun he Then suddenly he looked at me and he fell down with a lovey-dovey look in his eyes. "." he said. (in dis he is sixteen yrs old so hes not a pedofile ok)

"Huh?" I asked.  
>"Enoby I love you will you have sex with me?" *<strong>cough, cough* SUE *cough*<strong> asked Snaketail. I started laughing crudely. "What the fuck? You torture my bf and then you expect me to fuck you? God, you are so fucked up you fucking bastard." **Well you're pretty fucked up, too, Ebony, so it's not like you're too good for him.** I said angrily. Then I stabbed him in the heart. Blood pored out of it like a fountain.

"Nooooooooooooo!"he screamed. He started screaming and running around. Then he fell down and died. I brust into tears sadly. **Yep, I'm pretty sure she's bipolar.**

"Snaketail what art thou doing?" called Voldemort. Then... he started coming! We could hear his high heels clacking to us. ** I would pay to see Ralph Fiennes in high heels! **So we got on our broomsticks and we flew to Hogwarts. We went to my room. Vampire went away. There I started crying.

"What's wrong honey?" asked Draco taking off his clothes so we could screw. He had a sex-pack (geddit cuz hes so sexah) and a really huge you-know-what and everything. **Say it with me, honey: Penis. Penis. If you want to make it easier, use slang. Dick. **

"Its so unfair!" I yielded. "Why can't I just be ugly or plain like all da other girls and preps here except for B'loody Mary, because she's not ugly or anything."

"Why would you wanna be ugly? I don't like the preps anyway. They are such fucking sluts." **Just like your girlfriend!** answered Draco.

"Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Snape and Loopin took a video of me naked. Hargrid says he's in love with me. Vampire likes me and now even Snaketail is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Draco! Why couldn't Satan have made me less beautiful?" I shouted angrily. (an" don't wory enoby isn't a snob or anyfing but a lot of ppl hav told her shes pretty) "Im good at too many things! WHY CAN'T I JUST BE NORMAL? IT'S A FUCKING CURSE!" I shouted and then I ran away.

**Don't come back! Please don't come back!**


	15. Chapter 15

_**I'm on another updating roll today... Being home sick kind of helps. Ha ha.**_

AN: stup flaming ok! btw u suk frum no on evry tim sum1 flams me im gona slit muh ristsz! fangz 2 raven 4 hlpein!

**Damn it! She came back!**

"Ebony Ebony!" shouted Draco sadly. "No, please, come back!"

But I was too mad.

"Whatever! Now u can go anh have sex with Vampire!" I shouted. I stormed into my room and closed my black door with my blood-red key. It had a picture of Marylin Manson on it. He looked so sexy in a way that reminded me of Draco and Vampire. I started to cry and weep. I took a razor and started to slit my wrists. I drank the blood all depressed. **Vampires. Don't. Have. Blood. When will you get this through your thick skull, Tara! When?** Then I looked at my black GC watch and noticed it was time to go to Biology class.

**Biology?**

I put on a short ripped black gothic dress that said Anarchy on the front in blood red letters and was all ripped and a spiky belt. Under that I put on ripped black fishnets and boots that said Joel all over them with blood red letters. I put my ebony black hair out. Anyway I went downstairs feeling all sad and depressed as usual. I did sum advanced Biology **Maybe she meant Herbology...** work. I was turning a bloody pentagram into a black guitar. **What does that have to do with Herbology?** Suddenly the guitar turned to Draco! **I think Ebony's smoked a little too much crack...**

"Enoby I love you!" he shouted sadly. "I dnot care what those fucker preps and posers fink. Ur da most beautiful girl in the world. Before I met you I used to want to commit suicide all the time. Now I just wanna fucking be with you. I fucking love you!." **This would be more romantic if there wasn't so many F-bombs. And if half of it wasn't written in text-speak. **Then... he started to sing "Da Chronicles of Life and Death" (we considered it our song now cuz we fell in love when Joel was singing it) right in front of the entire class! His singing voice was so amazing and gothic and sexxy like a cross between Gerard, Joel, Chester, Pierre and Marilyn Manson (AN: don't u fink dos guyz r so hot. if u dnot no who dey r get da fuk out od hr!) . **You brought in the lead singer of Linkin Park. WHY?**

"OMFG." I said after he was finished. Some fucking preps stared at us but I just stuck up my middle fingers (that were covered in black nail polish and were entwined with Draco's now) at them. "I love you!" I said and then we started to kiss just like Hilary Duff (i fukin h8 dat bitch) **You told us that already. **and CMM in a Cinderella Story. **Love that movie! **Then we went away holding hands. Loopin shouted at us but he stopped cuz everyone was clapping by how sexy we looked 2gether. ***headdesk* **Then I saw a poster saying that MCR would have a concert in Hogsmede right then. We looked at each other all shocked vand then we went 2gether.

**Yay, another concert scene, I'm so excited... Not.**

**_So, how am I doing so far? Let me know! ~LDD_**


	16. Chapter 16

AN: u no wut! sut up ok! proov 2 me ur nut prepz! raven u suk u fuken bich gimme bak mah fukijn swteet ur supsd 2 rit dis! Raven wtf u bich ur suposd to dodis! BTW fangz 2 britney5655 4 techin muh japnese! **Hmmm, so this was the beginning of the falling out between Tara and Raven...**

We ran happily to Hogsmede. There we saw the stage where GC had played. We ran in happly. MCR were there playing 'Helena'. I was so fucking happy! **Wow, that's the first time in this entire story! **Gerard looked even sexier than he did in da pictures. Even Draco thought so, I could totally see him getting an erection **Ew.** but it didn't matter cuz I knew know that we were da only true ones for eachother. I was wearing a black leather minidress and black leather platinum boots with red ripped fishnets. **Enough with the leather! Wearing it all the time doesn't make you cool! **Draco was wearing a black baggy MCR t-shirt and black baggy pants. Anyway, we stated moshing to Helena. **Sure you were.**We frenched. We ran up 2 the front of the band to stage-dive. Suddenly, Gerard pulled off his mask. So did the others. We gasped. It wasn't them at all. It was.,... Volsemort and da Death Dealers! **Dun dun dun!**

"Wtf Draco im not going to a concert wid u!" I shouted angrily. "Not after what happened to me last time? Even if its MCR n u no how much I lik them"

**I am so confused.**

"What cause we...you know..." he gadgetted uncomfortbli cause guys don't like to talk a bout you-know-what. **PENIS!**

"Yeah cause we you know!" I yielded in an angry voice.

"We won't do that again." Draco promised. "This time, we're going with an ESCORT."

"OMFG wtf/ Are you giving into the mainstream?" I asked. "So I guess ur a prep or a Christina or what now?" **What did Christina Aguilera do to you?**

"NO." he muttered loudly.

"R u becoming a prep or what?" I shootd angrily. "**All the other kids with the pumped up kicks, you better run, better run, outrun my gun..."**

"Enoby! I'm not! Pls come with me!" He fell down to his knees and started singing 'Da world is black' by GC to me.

I was flattened **Flattened? You got run over?** cause that's not even a single, he had memorized da lyrks just 4 me! **So?**

"OK then I guess I will have to." I said and then we frenched 4 a while and I went up 2 my room.

**Enough with the textspeak, or else I'm going to go off on you...**

B'loody Mary was standing there. "Hajimemashite gurl." she said happily (she spex Japanese so do i. dat menz 'how do u do' in japanese). "BTW Willow that fucking poser got expuld. she failed al her klasses and she skepped math." (an: RAVEN U FUKIN SUK! FUK U!) **Well, I guess Raven's out of the picture. You lucky bitch!**

"It serves that fuking bich right." I laughed angrily.

Well anyway we where felling all deprezzed. We wutsched some goffic movies like Das niteMARE b4 xmas. "Maybe Willow will die too." I said.

"Kawai." B'loody Mair shook her head enrgtically lethrigcly. "Oh yeah o have a confession after she got expuld I murdered her and den loopin did it with her cause he's a necphilak." **Raven, what did you do?**

"Kawai." I commnted happily . We talked to each other in silence for da rest uv da movie.

"OH HEY BTw, im going to a concert with drako tonight in Hogsmeade with mcr." I sed. " I need to wear like da hotset outfit EVA."

B'Loody Mairy Nodded ENREGeticALLlY. "Omfg totally lets go shopping."

"In Hot Topic, right?" I asked, already getting out my spshcial Hot Topic Loiyalty carde.

"No." My head snaped up.

"WHAT?" my head spuin. I could not believe it. "B'Loody Mary are u a PREP?"

"NOOOO!NOOOO!" She laughed. "I found some cool goffic stores near Hogwarts that's all."

**I don't think I could ever go to Hot Topic anymore.**

"Hu told u abut them" I askd sure it would be Drako or Diabolo or Vampire(don't even SAY that nam to me!). **Vampire, Vampire, Vampire, Vampire... **Or me.

"Dumblydore." She sed. "Let me just call our broms."

"OMFFG DUMBLYDORE?" I asked quietly.

"Yah I saw the map for Hogsmeade on his desk." She told me. "Come on let's go."

We were going in a few punkgoff stores SPECIALLY for the concerts in Hogsmeade. The salesperson was OMG HOTTER THAN GERARD EXCEPT NOT CAUSE THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE **Wait, you just... Oh, forget it.** and he gave me a few dresses. "We only have these for da real goffs."

"Da real goffs?" Me and B'Loody Mary asked.

"Yah u wouldn't believe how many posers ther are in this town man! Yesterday loopin and snap tried to buy a goffic camera pouch." He shook his head. "I dint even no they had a camera."

"OMFG NO THEIR GONNA SPY ON ME AGAIN!" I cried, running out of the changing room wearing a long black dress with lots of red tulle coming out and very low-cut with a huge slit.

"Oh my satan you have to buy that outfit" The salesperson said.

"Yeah it looks totlly hot." said B'Loody Mary.

"You know what I am gona give it to you free cause u look really hot in that utfit. Hey are you gonna be at the concert tonight?" he asked.

"Yeah I am actually." I looked back at him. "Hey BTW my name's ebondy dark'ness dementia TARA way what's yours?" **Yeah, Ebony wasn't Tara's fantasy at ALL...**

"Tom Rid." He said and ran a hand through his black-dyed hair. "maybe I'll see you there tonight."

"Yeah I don't think so cause I am going there with my bf drako you sick perv!" I yelled angrily, **He was just hitting on you! Don't be a bitch!** but before he could beg me to go with him, Hargrid flew in on his black broom looking worried. "OMFG EBONDY U NEED OT GET BACK INTO THE CASTLE NOW!"

**What's going to happen now?**


	17. Chapter 17

AN: I sed stup flming da stryo! if ur a prep den dnot red it! u kin tel weder ur a prep or not by ma quiz itz on ma hompage. if ur not den u rok. if u r den FOOOOOK UFFFFFFFFFF! pz willo isn't rely a prep. Raven plz do dis il promis 2 giv u bak ur postr! **No, Raven, don't do it!**

Tom Riddle gave us some clothes n stuff 4 free. **So in this story, are Tom Riddle and Voldemort two separate people? Confusing. **He said he wud help us wif makeup if he wunted koz he was relly in2 fashin n stuff. (hes bisezual). Hargird kept shooting at us to cum **Pfffft! Wrong "come" Tara. **back 2 Hogwarts. "WTF Hargrid?" I shouted angrily. "Fuck off you fjucking bastard." Well anyway Willow came. **Willow's a zombie!** Hargird went away angrily.

"Hey bitch you look kawaii." she said.

"Yah but not as kawaii as you." I answered sadly cause Willow's really pretty and everything. She was wearing a short black corset-thingy **LACE!** with blood red lace **Oh, okay. **on it and a blak blood-red miniskirt, leather fish-nets and black poiny boots that showed off how pale she wuz. She had a really nice body wif big bobs and everything. She was thin enouff 2 be anorexic.

"So r u going 2 da concert wif Draco?" she asked.

"Yah." I said happily.

"I'm gong with Diabolo." she anserred happily. Well anyway Draco and Diabolo came. They were both loking extremely hot and sexy and u could tell they thoufht we were ot 2. **"Girl, look at that body, ahhh, girl, look at that body..." **Diabolo was wearing a black t-shirt that said '666' on it. He was wearing tons off makeup jus like Marylin Manson. Draco was wearing black leather pants, a gothic black GC t-shirt and black Vans he got from da Warped tower.B'loody Mart was going 2 da concert wif Dracola. **Dracula? You're bringing in an iconic character into this, too?**Dracola used to be called Navel **Someone kill me... **but it tuned out dat he was kidnapped at birth and his real family were vampires. **Why is this such a common character background in this fanfic?** They dyed in a car crash. Navel converted to Satanism and he went goth. **More Satanists? **He was in Slitherin was wearing a black Wurped t-shirt, black jeans and shoes and black hair wif red streekz in it. We kall him Dracula now. Well anyway we al went 2 Draco's black Mercy-Bens (geddit cuz wer gpffik) **I'm not even going to try with your "jokes" anymore, Gilesbie. **that his dad Lucian gave him. We did pot, coke and crak. Draco and I made out. We made fun of dose stupid fuking preps. **Hurray for judgmental people! **We soon got there...I gapsed.

Gerard was da sexiest guy eva! He locked even sexier den he did in pix. He had long raven blak hair n piercing blue eyes. He wuz really skinny and he had n amazing ethnic voice. We moshed **Sure, you did. **2 Helena and sum odder songz. Sudenly Gerard polled of his mask. So did the other membez. I gasped. It wasn't Gerard at all! It was an ugly preppy man wif no nose and red eyes... Every1 ran away but me and Draco. Draco and I came. It was...Vlodemort and da Death Deelers! **Deja-vu!**

"U moronic idiots!" he shooted **Bang bang! **angstily. **Angrily? **"Enoby, I told u to kill Vampire. Thou have failed. And now...I shall kill thou and Draco!"

"No no please!" We begged sadly but he took out his knife. **You have a fucking wand, USE IT!**

Sudenly a gothic old man flu in on his broomstick. He had lung black hair and a looong black bread. He wus werring a blak robe dat sed 'avril lavigne' **No, no, NO! Not Avril! You brought Avril into this story? WHYYYYYY?** on da back. He shotted a spel and Vlodemort ran away. It was...DUMBLYDORE!

**WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?**


	18. Chapter 18

AN: I SED STUP FLAMMING! if u do den ur a fuken prep! fangz 2 raven 4 da help n stuf. u rok! n ur nut a prep. fangz for muh sewter! ps da oder eson dumbeldor swor is koz he trin 2 be gofik so der!

**So are Raven and Tara best friends again?**

I woke up the next day in my coffin. **Not in bed with Draco or Vampire? I'm shocked.**I walked out of it and put on some black eyeliner, black eyesharrow,blood-bed **Oh my god, I LOVE blood-bed! It's, like, my favorite shade of lipstick ever!**lipstick and a black really low-cut leather dress that was all ripped and in stripes so you could see my belly. I was wearing a skull belly ring with black and red diamonds inside it.

**S-L-U-T! What does that spell? Ebony.**

(Da night before Draco and I rent back to the skull (geddit skull koz im goffik n I like deth) **I'm not even going to try.** Dumbeldore chased Vlodemort away. We flew there on our brooms. Mine was black and the broom-stuff **B****room-stuff? You're kidding, right? **was blood-red. There was lace all over it. Draco had a black MCR boom. We went back to our rooms and we had you-know-what to a Linkin Park song.) **Poor Linkin Park.**

Well anyway I went down to the Grate all da walls were painted black and da tables were black too. But you fould see that there was pink pant underneath the black pant. **Huh?**And there were pastors **Like in a church?** of poser bands everywhere, like Ashlee Simpson and the Backstreet Boys.

**Okay, I have said that I'm indie, but at least I don't go around hating mainstream bands. I may not be fans of them, but I don't trash talk them. Okay, maybe Justin Bieber.**

"WTF!" I shouted going to sit next to B'loody Mary and Willow. B'loody Mary was wearing a black leather mini with a Good Chralootet-shirt, black fishnetsand black pointy boots. Willow was wearing a long gothic blak dress with blood red writing that was all lacy and came up to your thighs and black boots and fishnets. Vampire, Dracula and Draco came. We started to talk about who was sexier, Mikey or Gerard Way or Billie Joe Armstrong. The boys joined in cause they were bi.

**Has anyone noticed that she spelled the so-called "poser" bands right, but she doesn't even spell her own favorite bands right? Is she even a real goth? Conspiracy!**

"Those guys are so fucking hot." Navel was sayingas suddenly a gothic old man with a black beard and everything came. **What does "everything" refer to, exactly?** He was the same one who had chassed away Vlodemort yesterday. He had normal tan skin but he was wearing white foundation and he had died his hare black.

"….DUMBLEDORE?1!" we all gasped.

"WTF?" I shouted angrily. "I thought he was just wearing that to scare Volsemort!"

**I think this is scarier than Chapter 14. But then again, everything is.**

"Hello everyone." he said happily. "As u can see I gave the room a makeover. Whjat do u fink about it?"

Everyone from the poser table in Gryiffindoor started to cheer. Well we goths just looked at each other all disfusted and shook our heads. We couldn't believe what a poser he was!1.

"BTW **ENOUGH WITH THE FUCKING TEXTSPEAK! I'M SICK OF IT!**you can call me Albert."HE CALLED AS WE LEFT to our classes.

"What a fucking poser!" Draco shouted angrily **LIKE YOU! **as we we **YOU ALL TOOK A GROPUP TRIP TO THE BATHROOM?** to Transfomation. **TRANSFIGURATION! **We were holding hands. Vampire looked really jealous. I could see him crying blood in a gothic way (geddit, way lik Gerard) **NO, I DON'T FREAKING GET IT, JUST STOP WITH THE LAME ASS JOKES AND ESPECIALLY THE GOD DAMN TEXTSPEAK!**but I didn't say anything. "I bet he's havin a mid-life crisis!" Willow shouted.

I was so fucking angry. **SO AM I!**

***Practices deep breathing exercises***

… **Well, I did say earlier that I was going to go off with the excessive use of textspeak.**

**_So I heard a rumor that J.K. Rowling actually sent Tara a letter about My Immortal. Anyone know if this is true? Tell me in a review!_**

**_~LDD_**


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19. im nut ok i promise **Wow, an actual chapter title!**

AN: plz stup flaming da story if u do ur a foken prep n ur jelous ok!11 frum noq un im gong 2 delt ur men reviowz!111 BTW evonyd a poorblod so der!1 fangz 2 raven 4m da help!11

**Raven, why didn't you fix the grammar mistakes? Bah!**

All day we sat angerly finking about were so fucking pissed off. Well, I had one thing to look forward too- da MCR concert. It had been postphoned, so we could all go. **Oh, not the concert again...**

Anyway, I went to the common room sadly to cut classes. **Even though I have never cut class in my entire life, (well, I have called in sick when I wasn't, but I don't think that counts) I wouldn't imagine being depressed about it.** Draco was being all secretive. **Oh, I get it now.**

I asked what it was and he got all mad me and started crying all hot and angsty **Hee hee!** (rnt sensitve bi guyz so hot). ***Sobbing* ****"Ebony, stay out of my fucking business!" *****Gives off a smoldering look***

"No one fucking understands me!1" he shouted angrily as his black hare went in his big blue eyes like Billie Joe in Boulevard of BorkenDreamz. **You just ruined a Green Day song... **He was wearing black baggy paints, a black MCR t-shirt and a black die. (geddit insted of tie koz im goffik) **Okay, seriously? Stop with the jokes already.** I was wearing a blak leather low cut top with chains all over it all over it a blak leather mini, black high held boots and a cross belly fing. My hair was al up in a messy relly high bun like Amy Lee in Gong Under. (email me if u wana see da pik) **I know what she looks like. Remember? In the first ****chapter?**

"Accuse me? What about me!" I growled. **That was good, even though I have no idea what's going on.**

"Buy-but-but-" he grunted. **Ha ha, that's really funny to say. Buy-but-but. Buy-but-but. Buy-but-but. It's like a chant.**

"You fucking bastard!" I moaned.

"No! Wait! It's not what it fucking looks like!" he shouted.

But it was to late. I knew what I herd. I ran to the bathroom angrily, cring. Draco banged on the door. I whipped and whepped as my blody eyeliner streammed down my cheeks and made cool tears down my feces like Benji in the video for Girls and Bois (raven that is soo our video!) I TOOOK OUT A CIGARETE END STARTED TO smoke pot.

**Does anyone understand what just happened or am I the only one confused?**

Suddenly Hargrid came. He had appearated. **Didn't he have a broom? Ecuse me, a "MCR broom?"**

"You gave me a fucking shock!" I shouted angrily dropping my pot. **"You gave me a fucking shock!" For some reason, that reminded me of Lindsay Lohan. Remember, The Parent Trap? She was like, "You gave me a fright!" Ahhh, Lindsay's good years...**

"Wtf do you fink you're doing in da gurl's room?"

Only it wasn't just Hargrid. Someone else was with him too! For a second I wanted it 2 b Tom Rid or maybe Draco but it was Dumblydore. **You wanted it to be the gothic salesman over your boyfriend? Ebony, are you asking me to do the Slut Chant again? Although this time, I could add in some buy-but-buts.**

**Buy-but-but, buy-but-but, buy-but-but, buy-but-but...**

**S-L-U-T! What does that spell? Ebony!**

**Buy-but-but, buy-but-but...**

**I think it's kind of catchy.**

"Hey I need to ask you a question." he said, pulling out his black wanabe-goffik purse. "What are u wearing to the concert?" **So now he carries a purse?**

"U no who MCR r!" I gasped. **Gasp! Why do you always gasp? Do you have some sort of breathing problem?**

"No I just saw there was a concert dat a lot of gothz and punx were going 2." He said. "Anyway Draco has a surprise for u."


	20. Chapter 20

_**Oh my God. I made it to Chapter 20! And I still have brain cells left! What a miracle...**_

Chapter 20.

AN: I sed I dnoty ker wut u fink! stof pflamin ok prepz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1 oh yah btw ill be un vacation in transilvania 4 da nex 3 dayz so dnot expect updatz.

**Please stay there!**

All day I wondered what the surprise was. Meanwhile, I pot on a blak ledder mini, a blak corset with urple lace stuff all over it, an black gothic compact were gong 2 do the concert again, **Oh god... **since Volxemort had taken over the last one. **So many MCR concerts... I can't listen to them anymore. So MCR, you lost a fan, but don't blame me, blame Tara. **I slit my wrists while I moshed 2 MCR in my bedroom all night, feeling excited. **So you were dancing while your wrists were bleeding? Talk about a disturbing image.** Suddenly someone knocked on the door while I was trying on sum black clothes **You were already wearing black clothes!** and moshing to Fang u 4 da Venom. I gut all mad and turned it of, but sacredlyI hopped inside dat it was Draco so we could do it again. **Wow... Not only is she bipolar and cries tears of blood, but she's also a nymphomaniac. We need a psychiatrist now...**

"Wut de fucking hell r u doing!" I shouted angrily. It was Loopin! "R u gonna cum rape me or what." **Don't invite him to! **I yelled. I was allowed to say dat because Dumblydore had told us all 2 be careful around hem and Snap since he was a pedo.

"No, actshelly (geddit, hell)kan I plz burrow sum condemns." he growld angrily. **What's the magic word?**

"Yah, so u can fuk ur six-yr-old gurlfriend, huh?" I shouted sarkastikally.

"Fuker." He said, gong away.

**No, the magic word was "donuts."**

**PLEASE, YOU DIMWIT! IT'S "PLEASE!"**

Well anyway, I put on some black eyesharow, black eyeliner, and some black lipstick and white foundation. Then I went. Den I gasped….Snake and Loopin were in da middle of da empty hall, doin it, and Dobby was watching!1 **Run, Dobby, run!**

"Oh my god you ludacris idiot!" **HA! I love these insults! **they both shooted angrily when they saw me. Dobby ran away crying. **Awww, Dobby...** Dey got up, though. Normally I wood have ben turned on (I luv cing guyz do it) but both of them were fuking preps. (btw snake is movd 2 griffindoor now)

**Perv.**

"WTF is that why u wanted condoms?" I asked sadistically. (c I speld dat) **Yes, you did! I'm a little proud of you! Now if only you did that for the first nineteen chapters...**

"Only you wouldn't give them to me!" Lumpkin **Lumpkin? You gotta be shitting me.** shouted angrily.

"Well you shoulda told me." I replayed.

"You dimwit!." Snake began 2 shoot angrily. And then…I took out my black camera and took a pic of them. U could see that they were naked and everything.

**I thought they were having sex with their clothes on, but never mind...**

"Well xcuse me!" they both shouted angrily. "What was dat al about?"

"It wuz to blackmail u." I snarked. "So now next time you see me doing it with my boyfriend you cant fuking rat me out or I'll show dis to Dumbledork. So fuck off, u bastards!" I started to run. They chased me but I threw my wound at them and dey tripped over it. **You can trip over a wound? Trippy...** Well anyway, I went outside and there was Vampire, looking extremely fucking hot.

"WTF where'd Draco?"I asked him.

"Oh he's bein a fucking bastard. He told me he wouldn't cum." Vampire said shaking his hed. "U wanna cum with me? 2 the concert?"

**Pfffft... Wrong "come." Hee hee...**

Then….. he showed me his flying car. I gasped. **I have to add "breathing problem" to the list...**It was a black car. He said his dogfather **Dogfather. How very creative. **Serious Blak had given it 2 him. The license plate on the front sed MCR666 on it. The one on da back said 'ENOBY' on it.

….I gasped. **STOP GASPING!**

We flew to the concert hall. MCR were there, playing.

Vampire and I began 2 make out, moshing to the muzik. I gapsed, looking at da band.

**After breaking apart, I gazed into his eyes as the crowd moshed around us. "Mmmm, Vampire, I love you..."**

"**I love you, too... Will you go out with me?"**

**I gasped. "OMFG! I-"**

**SMACK!**

**I was knocked to the ground. Some hipster had just punched me in the face!**

"**WHAT THE FUCKING HELL?" I shouted angrily.**

**A girl with dark brown hair with blonde highlights glared down at me. "Stop making out in the pit, you fucking Mary Sue!" Then she left.**

"**WTF?" I gasped. "She broke my nose! Vampire!" I burst into tears.**

I almost had an orgasim. Gerard was so fucking hot! He begin 2 sing 'Helena' and his sexah beautiful voice began 2 fill the hall. ….And den, I heard some crrying. I turned and saw Draco, cryin in a corner.

**I think my rewrite was better...**


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21.

AN: fuk u ok! u fokng suk. itz nut ma fult if itz speld rong ok koz dat bich ravern cuz it fok u prepz!1 woopz soz raven fangz 4 da help. btw transilvana rox hrad!1 I even gut 2 go 2 da kasel wer drkola was flimed!

**If anyone can translate that author's note, I give major props to you. And maybe a virtual snickerdoodle. **

Later we all went in the skull. **You went into a skull. Raven, GET BACK HERE AND EDIT THIS STORY! **Draco was crying in da common room."Draco are u okay?" I asked in a gothic voice. **Gothic voice? What the fudge?**

"No I'm not u fuking bitch!" he shouted stated to run out of the place in a suicidal way.

"**Running in a suicidal way." So he probably has, like, two razors, one in each hand, and he's bawling like a baby and screaming, and he's wearing backup razors on his belt like he's some kind of depressed wizard ninja.**

**Any of you see it that way?**

I stated to cry cuz I was afraid he would commit suicide. **Well, Tara, I wouldn't worry about it, since he already committed suicide and you brought him back to life. So, knowing you, you would bring him back to life again, even if you had him commit suicide. Again.**

"Its ok Enoby." said Vampire comfortly. "Ill make him feel better." **Oh jeez. I sense another sex scene.**

"U mean you'll go fuck him wont you!"I shouted angrily. **HA! I KNEW IT! **Then I ran 2 get Draco. Vampire came too.

"Draco please come!" he began to cry. Tears of blood came down his pail face. **I'm not even going to ask. Clearly, all the doctors are too "busy" right now... I think they don't want to be pulled into this piece of crap of a story.** I wuz so turned on cuz I love sensitive bi guyz. (if ur a homophone **Homophones! I remember learning about those in second grade! No wait... first grade? Or third grade? I'm getting old...** den fuk of!)

**I'm not a homophobe, Tara. If I was, I wouldn't be in this commentary twenty-one chapters in!**

And then….. we herd sum footsteps! Vampire got out his blak invincibility coke.

**It's not black, but anyway, Vampire gets out his invisibility... Wait, COKE? Are you friggin' KIDDING ME? Cocaine can't be black! It can't!**

**Can it?**

***Goes to Google***

**HOLY SAINT FRANCIS, IT CAN!**

"**Black cocaine, also known as Black Coke, is a cocaine variety which can fool any anti-drug trafficker today."**

**Well, you learn something new every day.**

We both gut under it. We saw the janitor Mr. Norris **Mrs. Norris, thank you very much.**there, shouting angrily with a flashlight in his hand.

"WHOSE THERE!" he shouted angrily. We saw Filth **FILTH? **come. He went unda da invisibility cloke and started to meow loudly.

**NO, NO, NO! FILCH IS THE JANITOR! MRS. NORRIS IS THE CAT! GOD, IS THAT SO HARD TO REMEMBER?**

**Sorry, I'm done ranting.**

"IS ANY1 THERE!" yelled Mr. Norris. **Stop. With. The. Textspeak.**

"No fuck u you preppy little poser sun of a fukcing bich!" Vampire said under his breast **What the hell...**in a disgusted way.

"EXCUS ME! EXCUS ME WHO SED DAT!" yelled Mr. Norris. Den he heard Filch meow. "Filth is der any1 unda da cloak!"he asked. Filth nodded. And then….Vampir frenched me! He did it jus as….. Mr. Norris was taking of da cloak!1

"WHAT DA-" he yelled but it was 2 late cuz now we were ruining away frum him. And den we saw Draco crying n bustin in2 tearz and slitting his rists outside of da school.

**Excuse me.**

…

**Well, my pillow is now the latest victim of verbal abuse. Guess whose fault it is, Tara.**

"Draco!" I cried. "R u okay?"

"I guess though." Draco weeped. We went back to our coffins frenching each other. Draco and I decided to watch Lake Placid (c isnt da deprezzin) on the gothic red bed together. As I wuz about 2 put in the video, my eyes rolled up and suddenly I had a vision of something that was happening now. There was a knok on the door and Fug and da Mystery of Magic walked into the school!

**I need an Aleve. And a whole lot of rest.**

**Wait, how many more chapters are there?**

***Goes to FanFiction Search***

**44 chapters? I'm only halfway there?**

… **I'm going to bed.**


	22. Chapter 22

**Halfway there. Hope you all still have brain cells out there! It's a miracle I still have some. I took a little rest and I've regained almost all of my lost brain cells...**

**Wait.**

**I found the missing one!**

Chapter 22.

AN: stfu! prepz stup flaming ok if u dnot lik it fuk of I no itz mr. noris itz raven's folt ok!11 u suk!1 no jus kidding raven u fokieng rok prepz suk!1

All day everyone talked about the Misery of Magic. **Bahahahahaha!**Well anyway, I woke up the next day. I was in my coffin so I opened the door. I was wearing blak lacey leather pajamas. **Who sleeps in jammies with lace and leather? Lace, I can see, but LEATHER? And both of them together? **Then I gasped. **You freakin' mediocre dunce, stop gasping!**

Standing in front of me where…. B;loody Mary, Vampire, Diabolo, Draco, Dracula and Willow!

**Willow's dead! She's supposed to be!**

_**Or is she? Muahahahahaha!**_

**Oh dear god, I have gone insane!**

_**Actually, honey, you went insane five chapters ago.**_

**What-? Then why are you just popping up now?**

_**Because.**_

**That's not a reason!**

_**Is too!**_

… **Forget you! I'm reading this damn story!**

_**Ha ha! You lost an argument to yourself!**_

I opened my crimson eyes. Willow was wearing a tight black leather top with pictures of bloody roses all over it. Under that she wart a black poofy **That's always a fun word to say. At least to me. **skirt wit lace on it and black gothic boots that was attached to the top. Vampire was wearing a baggy Simple Plan t-shirt and baggy black pants and Vans. Draco was wearing a black MCR t-shirt and blak jeans and a leather jacket. He looked just likee Gerard Way, and almost as fucking sexy. Vampire looked like Joel Madden. **I believe you mentioned this already. **B'loody Mary was wearing a tight black poofy gothic dress that she had ripped so it showed of all her clearage **Clearage? Yeah, **_**that**_** puts a suggestive image in my mind...** with a white apron that said 'bich' and other swear words and MCR lyrics on it kind of like one dress I had seen Amy Lee wear once. Darkness (who is Jenny **NOOOO, NOT GINNY!** was there too. She was weaving a ripped gothic black dress with ripped stuff all over it and a lace-up top thing and black pointy boots.

**Dude, I don't give a flippin' patty about what they were wearing. Just tell the story!**

_**So you can lose more brain cells?**_

**Go to your corner.**

_**I can't, you lost it five chapters ago. Tee hee hee hee!**_

**FIND A NEW ONE!**

So were Crab and Goyle. It turns out that Darkness, Diabolo, Crab and Goyle's dad was a vampire. He committed suicide by slitting his wrists with a razor. He had raped them and stuff before too. They all got so depressed that they became goffik and converted to Stanism.

**Please! Stop with the Satanism! God, why did I do this?**

_**DUH! Read the author's note in the first chapter!**_

**What did I just tell you? Go find a new corner.**

"OMFG" I yielded as I jumped up. "Why the fuck are u all here?" **Gee, you're a good friend.**

"Enoby something is really fucked up." **This story is!** Draco said.

"OK but I need to put my fucking clothes on first." I shouted angrily. **Enough with the clothes!**

"It's all right. We have to go now and you look kawaii anyway. Your so fucking beautiful." Draco said in a sexy voice.

**You can't say "kawaii" in a sexy voice. Sorry.**

_**You look kawaii, babe... Bahahahaha!**_

**YOU-!**

_**Sorry.**_

"Oh all right." I said smiling. "But you have to tell me why your being all erective." **Hahahahaha! **

"I will I will." he said.

So I just put on some black eyeliner, black lipstick and red eyeshadow and white foundation. Then I came. We all went outside the Great Hal and looked in from a widow. A fucking prep called Britney from Griffindoor was standing next to us. She was wearing a pink mini and a Hilary Duff t-shirt so we put up our middle fingers at her. Inside the Great Hall we could see Dumbledork. Cornelia Fudged **Great. Now Cornelius has a sex change.**was there shouting at Dumbledore. Doris Rumbridgewas there too.

"THIS CANNOT BE!" she shouted angrily. "THE SCHOOL MUST BE CLOSED!"

"THE BARK LORD **The Bark Lord: The Wizarding World's most evil Chihuahua.**IS PLANNING TO KILL THE STUDENTS!" yelled Cornelia Fudge.

"YOU ARE NOT FIT TO BE THE PRINCIPAL ANY LONGER!" yelled Rumbridge. "YOU ARE TOO OLD AND YOUR ALZHEIMERS IS DANGEROUS! YOU MUST RETRY OR VOLDEMORT WILL KILL YOUR STUDENTS!"

"Very well." Dumbledore said angrily. "Butt we cannot do this. We can't close the school. There is only one person who is capable of killing Voldemort and she is in the school. And her name is…..Enony **Enony? Another name change? **Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way."

Draco, Crab, Goyle, Darkness, Willow, Vampire and B'loody Mary looked at each other…I gasped.

**It hurts...**

_**I bet it does, honey.**_

**Get out of my head, perv.**

_**No.**_

**Are you going to be here all the time?**

_**No, I'll drop by every now and then...**_

**So, what do I call you? There can't be two Kattrinas.**

_**What's your usual nickname?**_

**Well, it's Trina or Dynamite.**

_**Call me Katt.**_

**Nice to meet you, now scamper.**

_**Bye, Dynamite.**_

**Yep, I've gone insane.**


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23.

AN: dhut da fok up biches!1 ur jus jelos koz I gut 10000 reviowz!1 fangz 2 raven 4 da help n telin me bout da boox gurlu rok letz go shopin 2getha!

**I can actually translate this! Most of it anyway!**

"**Shut the fuck up, bitches! You're just jealous 'cause I got 10,000 reviews! Thanks to Raven for the help and telling me about the box! (I think it's box.) Girl, you rock, let's go shopping together!"**

**My eyes hurt now, but I must continue on! And Katt (crazy version of myself) is not with us right now, she's locked away in my brain. Thank God.**

The door opened and Proffesor Rumbridge and Cornelia Fudge stomped out angrily. Then Dumbledum and Rumbridge sawed us.

"MR. WAY WHAT THE BEEP ARE YOU DOING!"

**Mr. Way? And I find it hilarious that Tara's censoring herself now, when a few chapters back she said fuck four times in one sentence.**

Rumbridge shouted angrily. Dumbledore **Wow, she spelled Dumbledore correctly! **blared at her. **He blared at her? Like a siren?**

"Oops she made a mistake!" he corrupted her. **Corrected. Like what I've been ****doing for 23 chapters. **"She means hi everybody cum in!"

Well we all came in angrily. So did all the other students. **ANGRY!** I sat between Darkness **Darkness is Ginny, right?** and Draco and opposite B'loody Mary. Crab and Goyle started 2 make some morbid jokes.

**Anyone know a morbid joke?**

They both looked exactly like Ville Vollo. I eight some Count Chocula and drank som blood from a cup. **Yum! **Then I herd someone shooting angrily. I looked behind me it was…Vampire! He and Draco were shooting at eachother.

***Cue Western music***

**Draco: (crying tears of blood) You stole the love of my depressing life!**

**Vampire: You killed yourself, so she's mine now!**

**Draco: I was brought back to life, bitch!**

**Vampire: Yeah, by this stupid idiot! (gestures to Tara)**

**Tara: Shut the fuck up, you prep!**

**Draco: I can't kill you, I STILL LOVE YOU! I have to slit my wrists! (slits wrists)**

**Vampire: You're going to bring him back, right?**

**Tara: Duh.**

**Anyone see this happening?**

"Vampire, Draco WTF?" I asked.

"You fucking bustard!" yelled Draco at Vampire. "I want to shit next to her!1"

"No I do!" shouted.

"No she doesn't fucking like u, you son of a bitch!" yelled Draco.

"No fuck you motherfucker she laves me not you!" shouted Vampire. And then… he jumped on Draco! (no not in dat way u perv)They started to fight and beat up each other.

**This is all because of a seat next to Mary? I mean, Ebony?**

Dumbldore yelled at them but they didn't stop. All of a sudden… a terrible man with red eyes and no nose flew in on his broomstick. He had no noseand was wearing a gray robe. All the glass in the window he flew thru fell apart. Britney that fucking prep started to cry. Vampire and Draco stopped fighting….I shopped eating **Shopeating? **….Everyone room fell silent….Volzemort!

**Dun dun DUN!**

"Eboby…..Ebony…." Darth Valer **Wait, wait, wait. Voldemort comes in and you change his name to Darth Vader? This is not Star Wars! **sed evilly in his raspy voice. "Thou havfe failed ur mission. Now I shall kill thou and I shall kill Vampire as well. If thou does not kill him before then I shall kill Draco too!"

"Plz don't make me kill him plz!" I begged.

"No!" he laughed crudely. "Kill him, or I shall kill him anyway!"Then he flew away cackling.

I bust into tears. Draco and Vampire came to contort me. Suddenly my eyes rolled up so they looked all cool and gothic. I had a vision were I saw some lighting flash and then Voldremot coming to kill Draco while Draco slit his wrists in a depressed way. **So now she's psychic? Can this get any worse? **

"No!" I screamed sexily. Suddenly I locked up and stopped having the vision. **Because, you know, you _have to_ look sexy while predicting the future. Or getting ready to kill someone.**

"Ebony Ebony aure you alright?" asked Draco in a worried voice. **For once, it's not in a sexy voice.**

"Yeah yeah." I said sadly as I got up.

"Everyfing's all right Enoby." said Vampire all sensetive. **Yeah, everything's peachy. She's just going to kill you, that's all.**

"No its not!" I shouted angrily. Tearz of blood went down my face. "OMFG what if I'm getting possessed like in Da Ring 2!" **Tara possessed? That would be so cool! Like the Devil takes over and turns her into a prep for being such a fucking Mary Sue.**

**That should be a parody. NOBODY STEAL MY IDEA! **

"Its ok gurl." said B'loody Mary. "Maybe u should ask Proffesor Sinisterabout what the visions mean though."

"Ok bich." I said sadly and den we went.

**I mean it when I say "NOBODY STEAL MY IDEA." That could be a future fanfic from me. Hopefully, I won't forget to write that down.**

**By the way, please go to my profile and vote on my poll! Very important.**

**Well, I need some ibuprofen. And it's a good thing I was able to get through this chapter without any distractions.**

_**Guess again...**_

**Oh, shit...**


	24. Chapter 24

_**Hello, everyone. It's Katt. Not Trina (Dynamite? Whatever.). Trina's been feeling a little down and she's not really in the mood for writing. Probably why she hasn't updated anything else.**_

_**Remember the ending of the last chapter? When I escaped? Well, I got caught, but I just escaped like ten minutes ago. Trina has no idea I'm doing this.**_

Chapter 24.

AN: prepz stup flaming da story ur jus jelous so fuk u ok go 2 hel!11 raven fagz 4 di help! _**What help?**_

Well we had Deviation _**What an awful way to misspell Divination.**_next so I got to ask Proffessor Trevolry the visions.

_**Trevolry. Sounds like a bad rapper name. YO MASTER TREV! Hahahahaha!**_

"Konnichiwa everybody come in." said Proffesor Sinister in Japanese. *_**frowns***_ She smelled at me with her gothic black lipstick. _**She can smell mouths huh? Useful... Tee hee!**_ She's da coolest fucking teacher ever. She had long dead black hair with blood red tips and red eyes. _**Her hair can't be dead. **_(hr mom woz a vampire. _**Someone's a Twi-hard... Too many vamps in this story. **_She's also haf Japanese so she speaks it and everyfing. she n b'loody mry get along grate) _**Since when? Last time I remember the two of them together, Hermione stormed out of her class. **_

_**Somebody needs to lock Tara up in a room with all the Harry Potter books and movies, so she can understand how many accounts of canon rape she committed.**_

_**And a razor.**_

_**Too cruel?**_

She's really young for a teacher. 2day she was wearing a black leather top with red lace and a long goffik black ripped dress. _**No uniforms?**_We went inside the black classroom with pastors of Emily the Strong. _**I thought that fandom was called Emily The Strange. Seems like something I would be into. **_ I raced my hand.

_**Hand races! That should be a new sport in the Olympics! If anyone wants to challenge me to a hand race, I'm down.**_

I was wearing some black naie Polish with red pentagrams on it. _**Tara, honey, does it sound like I care?**_

"What is it Ebony?" she asked. "Hey I love ur nail polish where'd u get it, Hot Topik?" _**Poor Trina. That's her favorite store in the mall.**_

"Yeah." I answered. All the preps who didn't know what HT was gave me weird looks.I gave them the middle finger. _**Aren't you a darling. **_"Well I have to talk to you about some fings. When do you want to due it?"

"Ho about now?" she asked.

"OK." I said.

"OK class fucking dismissed every1." Proffesor Trevolry said and she let every1 go. "Except for you Britney." she pointed at Britney and sum other preps. "Please do exorcize (geddit) 1 on page 3."

"OK I'm having lotz of visions." I said in a worried voice. I'm so worried is Draco gong 2 die.

Well she gave me a black cryptal ball to lock in. I looked at it.

"What do you c?" she asked.

"I said I see a black gothic skull and a pentagram." _**More black? This is terrible. It was my favorite color. Thanks a bunch, you horny simpleton.**_

Suddenly there was a knock at the door. I looked at it. It was Draco. He was looking really sexy wearing a black leather facet, _**I don't think it's possible to wear a facet.**_ a black gothic Linkin Park t-shirt and blak Congress _**He's in Congress? NO NO NO!**_shoes.

"Okay you can go now, see ya cunt."said Proffesor Sinister.

"Bye bitch." I said waving.

_**Teacher and student love. How disturbing.**_

I went to Draco and Vampire was sitting next to him. We both followed Draco together and I was so exhibited.

_**Exhibit? Hmmm... I just thought of a funny scenario.**_

"_**Welcome to the Central Park Zoo! Follow me to our new exhibit!"**_

"_**WHOA! What's that, Miss Zookeeper?"**_

"_**That, my boy, is a gothic. But not just any gothic. This is a rare species called a Tarus Gilesbus."**_

"_**HEY WTF? Get me out of here, motherfuckers!"**_

"_**See how Gilesbus is dressed in all black and speaks in textspeak? The Gilesbus also has an attraction to Gerald Way, for some unknown reason..."**_

_**Tee hee. I find that strangely hilarious. Uh-oh, it's Trina! Gotta hide!**_


	25. Chapter 25

_**Tee hee. I'm baaaaaccck.**_

Chapter 25.

AN: stop flaming ok if u dnot den il tel Justin 2 bet u up!1111 n il tel al da nredz 2 put vrtuz in ur computer!11111111111 FUK UU!1 raven fangz for de help!1

_**After reading that author's note, I'm starting to question Justin's taste in women.**_

I was so excited. I fellowed _**Fellowed, huh? Like Lord of the Rings! I should read that series sometimes. I'd convince Trina, but she's never had an interest in them.**_Draco wandering if we where going 2 do it again. _**Typical.**_We went outside and then we went into Draco's black car.

"Ebony what the fuck did Profesor Trevolry say." _**MASTER MASTER TREV IS IN DA BUILDING! Wait she isn't? Damn.**_whispered Draco potting his gothic whit hand with bvlak nail polish on mine.

"She said she would tell me what the visions meant torromow." I grumbled in a sexy voice. _**Did she growl at him? A growl can be sexy when done correctly.**_He took out a heroin cabaret and spiked it, _**Illegal drugs? You naughty boy!**_and gave it to me to spork. _**Sporks! I have a fond memory of sporks.**_He started to fly the car into a tree. We went to the top of it. Draco put on some MCR.

_**Congratulations! You just totaled your car, you dimwit! Now you have to call Allstate.**_

"And all the things that you never ever told me  
>And all the smiles that are ever gonna haunt me." sang Gerard's sexy voice. We started tiling of each other's cloves <em><strong>Everytime I see "clove," I think of Clove from the Hunger Games. She's my role model.<strong>_ took of my blak thong and my black leather bar.I took of his black boxers. Then… he put his trobbing you-know-what in my tool sexily.

_**Tara, if you were trying to turn me on, you fail!**_

"OMFG Draco Draco!" I screamed having an orgism. We stated frenching passively. _**Passively? How disgusting!**_Suddenly… I fell asleep. _**And it gets even worse...**_ I started having a dream. In it a black guy was shooting two goffik men with long black hair.

"No! Please don't fucking kill us!1" they pleaded but he just kept shooting them. He ran away in a red car.

_**Ran away IN a red car? He must be a ninja. Perhaps Draco's wizard ninja master.**_

"No! Oh my fucking god!11" I shouted in a scared voice.

"Ebony what's wrong?" Draco asked me as I woke up opening my icy blue eyes.

I started to cry and tears of blood went down my face. I told Draco to call Vampire. He did it with his blak Likin Park mobile. Butt the worst thing was who the ppl who were shot in the dream where… Lucian and Serious!111

_**You're bringing Padfoot into this? OH HELL NO! Leave my man alone!**_


	26. Chapter 26

_**Katt's still here. Tee hee.**_

Chapter 26.

AN: PREPZ STUP FLAMING SDA STRY OK!1 if u dnot lik da story den go fok urself u fokeng prep! U SUK!111 oh y and I wuznt beng rasist ok!11

_**Are you absolutely sure about that?**_

A few mutates _**Mutations? Honey, this isn't X-Men. **_later Vampire came 2 da tree. He was wearing a blak leather jackson, _**A Jackson? I have one too! Small world, eh?**_ black leather pants _**So much leather. If I could wear leather, I wouldn't wear it anymore thanks to this story. **_and a Good Chralotte t-shirt.

"Hi Vampire." I said flirtily as I started to sob. _**Flirting while sobbing? "Hey, baby, you're looking fine, WAHHHH!" **_Draco hugged me sexily tryont to comfrot me. I started to cry tears of blood _**Tears of blood? Really? You're a vampire. You cannot have blood. So how do you expect to cry tears of it? **_and then told them what happened.

"Oh fuck it!" Vampire shouted angrily. He4 started to cry sadly. "What fucking dick did that!"

"I don't know." I said. "Now come on we have 2 tell Dumbledor."

_**Well, I'm stumped.**_

We ran out of the tree and in2 da castle. Dumblydor was sitting in his office.

_**I don't remember them getting into a tree. I think it was those illegal drugs. Naughty naughty!**_

"Sire are dads have been shot!"Draco said while we wipped sum tears from his white face. "Enoby had a vision in a dreem."

_**I have never, ever called one of my teachers "Sire."**_

_**Now, that might sound confusing, but since I am the same age as Trina, I have the same teachers as she does. I can't believe she likes most of them.**_

_**Oy. That might sound even more confusing. Basically, while Trina's bored, I pop up in her head. I'm her Voice. Much like Maximum Ride, huh?**_

_**Now I'm making her sound insane. I wonder how would she react when she sees this.**_

…

_**Tee hee!**_

Dubleodre started to cockle. "Hahahaha! And How due u aspect me to know Ebony's not divisional?"

_**I'm lost.**_

I glared at Dumbledore. _**Aw, I WANTED TO GLARE AT HIM! Damn you, you Mary Sue!**_

"Look motherfucker." he said angrily _**Who's talking? Dumbledore? **_as Dumbeldore gasped (c is da toot of crakter) _**Oh. Not Dumbledore. But yes, it is out of character because Dumbledore is never surprised. Nor is he ever intimidated.**_

_**Yes, I used "nor." I'm smart like that.**_

_**Also, he never cackles or gasps. However, I do think he should say "WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, YOU MOTHERFUCKERS!" more often.**_

_**It just makes him more badass.**_

"U know very well that I'm not decisional. _**OOC! Dumbledore is very decisive!**_ Now get some fucking ppl out there to look for Series _**You ruined my **__**favorite character's name!**_ and Lucian- pornto!"

_**Porn? Between Lucius and Sirius? No. I wouldn't like that even if it did have Sirius.**_

"Okay." he said in a intimated voice. "Were are they?"

_**See above statement.**_

I fought about it.

_**I just imagined this. Ebony's talking to herself.**_

"_**I should do this! NO, dammit!" *punches herself in the face* "Okay, maybe, no!" *punches herself over and over again* **_

Then all of a sudden….. "Longdon." _**LONDON! **_I said. I told him which street. He went and called some people and did some stuff. _**What an excellent description. **_After a few mistunes he came back and said people were going out looking for them. After a while someone called him again. He said that they had been found. _**What?**_ Draco, Vampire and I all left to our rooms together. I went with Draco to wait in the nurses office while Vampire went to slit his wrists in his room. _**I feel sorry for Harry. Yes, Harry. Not Vampire.**_ We looked at each other's gothic, derperessed eyes. Then, we kissed. Suddenly Serious and Lucian came in on stretchers….and Proffesor Sinister was behind them!1

_**Yes!**_

_**MASTER MASTER TREEEEEVVV IS IN DA BUILDING!**_


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27.

_**Oh boy. Trina made a mistake. There's 43 chapters, not 44. I should tell her.**_

_**Hey, Trina, you made a mistake, they're aren't 44 chapters.**_

**No? I saw another commentary that had 44. How many are there?**

_**Um, 43?**_

… **WAHHHH! *Runs away***

_**Yes, she's been a mess. Oh! That rhymed!**_

_**By the way, she still has no idea I'm doing this.**_

AN: I sed stop gflmaing da story it wuz a miskat wen profsor relory sed dat ok! 11111111 GO 2 FOKENGHELL!1111 U SUK! fangz 2 fily 4 da help!1! raven hav fun wif kiwi!1111111

_**That poor kiwi. What did it ever do to Raven?**_

We went in2 a blak room. _**How surprising. **_he wallz were blak _**That's not surprising either.**_ with portraits of gothic bands lik MCR, GC and Marlin Mason all over them. A big black coffin was in the vevlet lined da blak box. _**How nice! You changed the velvet! Fancy, very fancy. Your room **__**deserves to be on HGTV's Dream House. **_There were three chairs made of bones with real skullz in dem. _**Nice.**_I wuz wearing a blak corset bar wif purple stuff on it, _**Lace, perhaps? You seem to wear it a lot, but you never remember the name for it. **_fishnet suckings _**What in the world are suckings? **_and a blak leather thong underneath.

_**Never wear thongs, kids. You don't want to injure yourself so early in life.**_

I sat down one of da chairs dispersedly. So did Drako and Vampire.

"Are you okay?" Vampir asked potting his albastardhand on mine. _**So this means either his hand is very pale or he has the hand of a bastard.**_

_**I'm assuming it's the first option.**_

He was wearing black nail polish. I was wearing blak nail polish with red crosses on it. _**I thought she didn't like crosses! You can't even say that to her.**_

…

_**CROSS CROSS CROSS CROSS!**_

"Yah I guess." I said sadly. Drako also pot his hand on mine sexily. I smiled sadly with my blak lipstick. "The problem is….I have to seduce Volxemort. Ill have 2 go bak in time"

_**CROSS CROSS CROSS!**_

Draco started to cry sadly. Vampire hugged him.

_**CROSS!**_

"Itz okay Eboby."he said finally. "But what about me? Ur not gonna brake up or anyfing, are you?"

"Of coarse not!" I gasped.

"Really?" he asked.

_**DAMN IT! How come none of them are melting away like the Wicked Witch of the West?**_

"Sure." I said.

We frenched sexily. Vampire looked at us longingly.

_**Cross? I give up.**_

Then… I took off Draco's MCR shrift and seductvely took of his pants. _**With**__** Vampire still there? Poor chap.**_ He was hung lik a stallone. _**Sylvester? **_He had replaced the Vampire tattoo that said Enoby on it. Black roses were around it. I gasped. He lookd exactly lik Gerard Way. Vampire took a vido camera. (I had sed it wuz ok b4).

_**But you were angry when Snape and Lupin did that...**_

I took of my clothes den we were in 4 da rid of r lif.

We started freching as we climbed into the cofin. He put his spock _**Bahaha! Spock! I think you're thinking of another word that rhymes with Spock!**_ in my you-know-what and passively we did it. _**I just cringed.**_

"I love you Eboby. Oh let me feel u I need 2 feel u." he screamed as we got an orgasm.

_**You're already feeling her, darling.**_

_**Tee hee!**_

We watched Vampire filmed everything perfectly. Suddenly….

"WHAT THE FUCK R U DOING!"

_**Dumbledore!**_

It was….Snope and Profesor McGoggle!111

_**It should have been Dumbledore!**_


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28.

AN: sot das fok up!11 ur jus jelouz koz ur prepz so fok u!1111 raven u rok gurl fangz 4 da help MCR ROX 666!111111111111

_**What kind of reason is that?**_

"Oh my satan!1" we screamed as we jampedout of da coffin. Snap and Professor McGoonagle started to shoot at us angrily.

_**With guns? I might actually be okay with that.**_

"CUM NOW!1!" Preacher _**Preacher?**_ McGongel did guiltily. _**What a surprise! She spelled that correctly! **_We left the room putting on our clothes. Snoop garbed the caramel and put it in his pocket. _**But I wanted the caramel!**_

"Hey what the fuck!111" Vampire shooted angrily.

_**Shooted? If I see that one more time, I will shoot something.**_

"Yeah buster what the fuck are u going to do with the fucking camera?" Draco demonded all protective, looking at me Longley with his gothic red eyes. _**YEAH BUSTER! That sounded so funny! **_"Look, Dumblehor noes your little secret and if u do dis again, then u will go to St Mango's. _**The hospital for mangoes.**_ So give back da camera!1111"

Hahahaha the Mystery of Mogicthinks he is crazy there is no way dey wil believe him. Snoop laughed meanly.

"Yes so shut your mputh you inlosent fools!" _**That sounds familiar...**_

yelled Proffesor McGoggle. She made us cum into a weird room with white stones all around it. There were all these werid tools in it. Draco started to cry all sexy and sexitive (geddit koz hes a sexbom lol tom felnot rulez _**Tom Felton is awesome.**_ 4 lif but nut as muxh as gerard ur sex on legz I luv u u fokeng rok mary me!111).

I started to cry tearz of blood (it hapnz in vrampir kroniklz raven sed so ok so fok u!1). Vampire took out a black honkerchief and started to wipe my red eyes.

_**What a gentleman!**_

And then….. he and Snoop _**Snoop Dogg! DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOT! DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOT! DROP IT LIKE IT'S HOT!**_ both took out guns using magic. They started to shoot each other angrily. Non of the ballots gut on eachodder yet. I took out my wand.

_**This is so stupid.**_

"Crosio!" _**CRUCIO! **_I shouted. Snap stated 2 scram he dropd da gun. But it was too late. Both of them had run out of ballets. I STOPPED DA CURSE. Profesor McGoogle did a spell so that we were all chained up. She took out a box of tools. Den she said "OK Serverus I'm going 2 go now." She left. Snap started to laugh evilly. Vampire started to cry.

"It's ok Enoby." said Draco. "Evergreen will be all right. Remember the cideo u took of Snake."

Snape laughed again. And then...he took out some whips!1!1111

_**Song of the Chapter: S&M by Rihanna.**_

_**Tee hee! I couldn't resist! Or no, maybe-**_

_**What was that? I thought I heard something...**_

**WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING, YOU MOTHERFUCKER!**

_**Oh, NO!**_


	29. Chapter 29

**Let me get this straight: You did five chapters of commentary without telling me.**

_**Yup.**_

**That's all you have to say? "Yup?"**

… _**Yup.**_

**Can you give me an answer with more than one syllable.**

_**Nope.**_

***Facepalm* Okay, since you did five chapters without me, I'm going to do five chapters without you.**

_**What are you trying to say?**_

**Finally! An answer with more than one syllable!**

_**Screw you! Now what are you saying?**_

**You're banned.**

_**GRRR! I HATE YOU!**_

**Until Chapter 33. Chapter 34, you can come back. Deal?**

_**Deal.**_

**Now scamper.**

_**Okay. *leaves***_

**Fucking pest.**

_**I heard that!**_

***sigh* So I've been very busy lately, since I've been planning my birthday party (my birthday's on the 27th) and I've been feeling a bit depressed, but I'm happier now and ready to get back to work on this and my Hunger Games fanfic. So, without further ado...**

Chapter 29.

AN: stop flaming da story ok u dnot no wutz even gona happen ok!1111 so FUL U! **That's right! FULL YOU! **111 if u flam u wil be a prep so al flamerz kan kiss muh ass!111 soz 4 soz 4 sayin alzhimers is dongerous but datz da mysteries opinin koz sosiety basically sux. **Huh? **fangz 2 raven u rok bich!111

"No!11" we screamed sadly. Snap stated loafingmeanly. He took out a kamera anvilly. Then… he came tords Darko!1!He took sum stones out of his put da stones around Draco and nit a candle.

**Sounds like some kind of evil ritual. Where do the whips come in?**

_**Wouldn't you like to know.**_

**Make that Chapter 34, Katt.**

_**GRRR!**_

"What the fuck r u doing!" I shooted arngrily. **That's what we want to know!**Snoop laughed meanly. He polled down his pants. I gasped- there was a Dork Mark on his you-know-wut!11!

**BAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh my God! Wouldn't that hurt?**

He waved his wand and a nife came. He gave da knife 2 me.

"U must stab Vrompire." he said to me. "If u don't then I'll rap Draco!1"

**I'm begging you, Tara. Please no more sex scenes!**

"No you fucking bastrad!1" I yielded.

But den Draco looked at me sadly with his evil goffik red eyes dat looked so depressant and sexy. He lookd exactly like a pentragram (lol geddit koz im a satanist) between Kurt Cobain and Gerard.

**You brought in Kurt Cobain into this story? Poor Kurt... He had been through enough!**

But then I looked at Vampire and he looked so smexy too wif his goffik black hair. I thought of da time when we screwed and the time I did it with Draco and Dumblydore came and the tame where Draco almost commited suicide and Vampire wuz so sportive. **Good times, good times...**

Snipe laughed angrily. He started to prey to Volxemort. He started to do an incapacitationdancing around the stokes whipping Draco and Vampire. **There are the whips! **Suddenly an idea I had. **Are you Yoda now, Ebony? **I clozd my eyes and using my vampire powers I sent a telepathetic massage to Drako and Vampire so they would destruct Snape. **Since when are you telepathic?**

"Dumbeldork will get u!" Draco shooted.

"Yah just wait ubtil da Mystery find out!11" Vampire yelled. Meanwhile I took out my wand.

"You ridiculus dondderhed!111" **Best insults ever! I need to write these down!** Snoop yielded. He took off all of Drico's clothes. Just as he was about to rape him…. **Thank God, I didn't want to read a rape scene. **

"Crosio!" I shited **HA HA!**pointing my wound. **Wait. You have a boo boo on your butt? Awww...**Snoop scremed and started running around da room screming.

**Alan Rickman running in circles screaming. That is a hilarious mental image. I already have a hard time picturing him smiling. Well, I've seen him smile before, but it took me like two minutes to believe it.**

Meanwhile I grabed my blak mobile and sent a txt 2 Serious. I stopped doing crucio.

"You dunderhed!111 Im going to kill-" shooted Snape but suddenly Serverus came. **Oh my God. Tara- Severus is Snape, you ridiculous dunderhead. **

Snake put the whip behind his bak. "Oh hello Sev I wuz just teaching them sumthing." he lied. But suddenly Lusian **Lusian? Lucius?**and Profesor Trevolry **Trelawney?**came in2 **Stupid textspeak... **da room and they and Serious unlocked the chains and put dem around Snap. Then Profesor Trevolry said 'Come on Ebony let's go."

**Don't forget the whips! What if they get into the wrong hands? … Don't get any ideas, Katt.**

_**You never let me have any fun...**_


	30. Chapter 30

AN: I sed shut da fok up u quiephs!111 stop kalin ebony a mary su ok u dnot even no wutz gong 2 happen ok so fuk u!1111 fangz 2 muh bff raven 4 di help!1111

"I always knew u were on Voldemort's side, you sun of a bitca **That's my new favorite insult. "You son of a bitca!" **(bufy rox!111)." **Oy vey. **Serious said 2 Snape. **She spelled Snape correctly! Someone give her a cookie!**

"No I'm not I was teaching them somefing!1" Snap clamed.

"Oh fucking yeah?" I took some blak Volremortserum out of my poket and gave it to Serverus. He made Snap dirnk it. **So wrong...** He did arngrily. Then Luscious **He does have an awesome head of hair...**took out a tape recorder and started playing it while he did curses on Snap. Then Proffesor Sinister and Lucian made us get out wif them while Snape told his secretes. Lucian took Vampure and Draco to the nurse after thanking me a millon times. Profesor Trevolry took me to a dark room. Now I wuz going to go back in time to sedouce Volxemort. **Oh no... TIME TRAVEL?**** And seducing Voldemort? Good luck with that...**

**However, I don't think you'll have any trouble at all, considering the fact that you're a Sue!**

Moving posters of MCR and Nrivana **NOT NIRVANA! **were all over. Hermoine, Darkness and Willow came too. B'loody Mary gave me a blak bag from Tom Rid's store.

"Whatz in da bag?" I asked Profesor Trevolry.

"U will c." she said. I opened thee bag. In it was a sexy tite low-smut black leather gothic dress. **Really? More leather?** It had red korset stuff and there was a silt up da leg. I put it on. My frendz helped me put on blak fishnetz and blak pointy boots Willow had chosen. Willow and Darkness helped me put on black eyeliner and blod-red lipshtick.

**LACE! IT'S LACE! **

"You look fucking kawaii, bitch." B'loody Mary said.

"Fangs." I said. **I come up with horrible puns. I can think of one way better than that.**

"Ok now you're going to go back in tim." said Proffesor Sinister. "U will have to do it in a few sessionz." She gave me a blak gun.

**She's. A. Witch. She doesn't need a gun! How many times do I have to go over this? **

I put it in a strap on my fishnetz like in Redisnet Evill. Then she gave me a black time-tuner. **Well, of course it has to be black! **"After an hour use da time torner to go back here." Proffesor Trevolry said. Then she and B'loody Mary put a Pensive in front of me. Every1 went in front of it.

"Good luk!1" Everryone shooted. Darkess and Willow gave me deth's touch sin. Then….. I jumped sexily in2 da Pensive.

***Stands behind Pensieve, shakes booty, then jumps* I think that's how you would do it.**

**Now wait a second. The Pensieve isn't used for time traveling, it's used to relive your memories.**

**Epic fail!**

Suddenly I was in fornt of teh School. In front of me wuz one of da sexiest goth guyz I had ever seen. He was wering long blak hair, kinda like Mikey Way only black. He had gren eyes like Billie Joe Amstrung **You ruined my imaginary husband's name? How could you? **and pale whit skin. He wuz wearing a blak ripped up suit wif Vans. It was….Tom Bombodil!1111

**Who the hell is Tom Bombodil?**


	31. The Grand Finale: 31 to 43

**I can't take this anymore.**

_**What?**_

**This commentary. I don't think I can continue it.**

_**Why?**_

**Because I'm losing brain cells and now I have you to deal with.**

_**Gee, it's nice to know that you appreciate me. I am only the voice in your head. So what? You're going to stop?**_

**No.**

**_Oh, I thought it was because two reviewers threatened to report you._**

_**Then what are you going to do?**_

**The rest of the story in one chapter.**

_**It's 13 chapters.**_

**I know. Think of it as a long one-shot.**

_**Are you insane?**_

**Apparently! I'm talking to myself!**

_**Touche.**_

**I need your help.**

_**Really? I'm not banned anymore?**_

**Nope. Ready to get started?**

_**Bitch, please. I'm always ready.**_

Chapter 31

AN: I sed stup fflaming I no his nam iznt tom bodil dat wuz a mistak!1111 _**Or was it? **_ if u dnot lik de story den u kan go skrew urself!11111 U SUK!111111

**We don't like the story.**

_**But we're not going to screw ourselves. That's boring.**_

**Moving on...**

"Hi." I said flirtily. "Im Enoby Way da new student." I shok my pale handz wif their blak noil polish wif him. **This is just awful.**

"Da name's Tom." he said. "But u kan call me Satan. Datz ma middle nam"

_**I have no words.**_

We shok hands. "Well come on we have 2 go upstairs." Satan said. I followed him. "Hey Satan…..do u happen to be a fan of Gren Day?" (sinz mcr and evinezenz dont exist yet den) I asked. **GREEN DAY ISN'T EVEN ALIVE YET, YOU HORNY SIMPLETON!**

_**I would have called her a dimwit, but that's just me.**_

"Oh my fuking god, how did u know?" Satan gasped. "actually I like gc a lot too."(geddit coz gc did that song I just wanna live that's ounded really 80s)

_**Kill me!**_

**I can't. If I did, I would kill myself.**

_**Damn it.**_

"omg me too!" I replied happily. **THIS IS SO STUPID!**

"guess what they have a concert in hogsment." satan whispered.

"hogsment?" I asked.

"yeah that's what they used to call it in these time before it became Hogsmeade in 2000."he told me all sekrtivly.

"and theres a really cool shop called Hot-"

'topic!" I finshed, happy again.

**I can't go to Hot Topic anymore. I just can't.**

_**You still have Journey's.**_

He froned confusedly. "noo its called Hot Ishoo." _**What the hell... **_He smiled skrtvli again. "then in 1998 dey changd it to hot topic." he moaned.

"ohh." now everything was making sense for me. "so is dumblydor your princepill?" I shouted. **Headmaster!**

"uh-huh." he looked at his black nails. "im in slitherin'"

"OMfG SHME TOO!" I SHRIEDKED.

**LIKE OH MY GOD!**

_**NO FUCKING WAY!**_

"u go to this skull?"(geddit cos im goffik) he asked. _**These jokes kill me.**_

**Please tell me you're being sarcastic.**

_**Duh.**_

"yah that's why im here im NEW." I SMELLED HAPPili.

**You know, a person can smell happy. Depends on what kind of perfume you're wearing. Like my happy scent would be Midnight Pomegranate.**

… _**You're so weird.**_

**So are you.**

Suddenly dumblydore flew in on his broomstuck and started shredding at us angrily. "NO TALKING IN THE HALLS!" he had short blonde hair and was wearing a polo shirt from Amrikan ogle outfters. "STUPID GOFFS!"

_**So incredibly idiotic...**_

satan rolled his eyes."his so mean to us goffs and punks just becose we're in slytherine and we're not preps."

I turned around angrily. "actually I fink mebe its becos ur da barke lord."

_**Bark Lord?**_

**The Dogfather's his daddy.**

"wtf?" he asked angrily.

"oh nuffin." I said sweetly.

then suddenlyn…. the floor opened. "OMFG NO I SCEAMED AS I FEEL DOWN. everyone looked At ME weirdly."

"hey where r u goin?" satan asked as I fell.

I got out of the hole n it was bak in the pensive in professor trevolry's classroom. dumblydum wuz dere. "dumblydore I think I just met u." I said.

"oh yeah I rememba that." dumblydor said, tryin

g to be all goffik.

sinister came in. "hey dis is my classroom wait wtf enoby what da hell r u doing?"

:"um." I looked at her.

"oh yeaH I forgot bout that."

"wth how?" I screamed forgetting she was a teacher for a second. but shes a goff so its ok.

professor sinster looked sad. "um I was drinking voldemortserum." she started to cry black tears of depression. dumblydum didn't know about them.

**Black tears?**

_**I don't know what's worse.**_

"hey r u crying tears of blood?" he asked curiously, tuching a tear.

**No, dude, black tears.**

"fuck off!" we both said and dumblydum took his hand away.

professor sinster started crying again in her chair, sobbing limpid tears. "omfg enoby…I think im addicted to Voldemortserum."

AN: SEE U FOKKING PREPZ GO FOK URSELXXZ DATZ SERUS ISSUZ 2O GO 2 HELL!1111112

_**Well, if you're there, we won't.**_

Chapter 32

AN: I sed shut up itz nut my folt ok if u don't lik da story den ur a prep so fuk u flamerz!1111 ps im nut updating ubtil u giv me fiv god reviewz nd diz tim I men it!111111 U SUK!1111 fangz raven 4 di help il promiz to help u wif ur story lolz1

**OH I FORGOT!**

_**What?**_

**Virtual cookies (snickerdoodles) to all!**

_**WOOT WOOT!**_

"Oh my fuking god!1" I shooted _**If she replaces said with shoot one more time, I will shoot her.**_

**You can't. She dropped off the face of the Internet.**

_**I will find her.**_

sadly. "Shud we get u 2 St Manga's, bitch?"

"Hel no!" she said. "Lizzen Egogy, I need ur help. Nex tim u go bak in tim, do u fink u kod ask Tom Andorson4 sum help?"

**Tom Riddle.**

_**Only one Tom.**_

**Try to understand this, Tara.**

_**For the sake of Harry Potter fans.**_

**For the sake of humanity.**

"Sure I said sadly. I went outside the door. Draco was there!111 He wuz wearing a big blak GC tshit which wuz his panamas. '

"Hey Sexxy." I said.

"How'd it go Enoby?" he asked in his voice was so sexy and low kinda like Gerard Way when hes talking.

"Fine." I reponded. We stared 2 go bak in2 da dorm.

**Oh, no.**

_**Oh yes.**_

**Not another sex scene.**

_**Sounds like it.**_

"How far did u go wif Satan?" Drako asked jealously. _**Jealous, eh?**_

"Not 2 far, lol." I borked.

"Will you hav to do it with him?" Draco asked angstily. **I'm confused.**

_**Read the last few chapters.**_

**No way. Not again. I'll just go with it, it's not like this whole story makes sense anyway.**

"I hop not 2 far!111" I shouted angrily. Den I felt bad 4 shooting at him. I said sorry. We frenched.

_**This is so messed up.**_

**Tell me about it.**

"What happened 2 Snipe?" I growled. **Snape!**

"U will see." Draco giggled mistressly. **Draco has a mistress?**He opened a door…Snap nd Lumpkin werz there!11 _**OH HELL NO! **_Serious waz pokeringdem by staging dem wif a blak nife.

"NOOOO PLZ!1111" Lumpkin bagged as Serious started 2 suk his blood. I laffed statistically.I tok some photons _**Bahaha! Photons! That's brilliant!**_of him and Snap bing torqued. (ok I no dis iz men but fink abot it ppl dey r pedoz nd Snap trid 2 rap dem and neway sadiztz rok haz any1 seen shrak SHREK? MY FAVE! atak 3 lolz).

**HEY QUIT INTERRUPTING!**

_**YEAH, JEEZ!**_

**We're hypocrites, aren't we?**

_**A bit.**_

We took sum of Snipe's blod den Drako and I went bak 2 our roomz. We sat on my goffik blak coffin. My cloves were kinda drity so I pot on a blak leather outfit fingie kinda like da 1 Suelene haz in Undreworld. (if u haven't herd of it den FUK U!111) . I put on some blak platform high heelz. Darko put on 'desolition liverz' by MCR. Den….we storted 2 take of eachotherz clozez. **Oh no...** I tok of his shit nd he had a six-pak, lolz. We started 2 mak out lik in Da Grudge. He pot his wetnes in my u-know-what sexily. I gut an orgy. _**Knew it. **_

"Oh Draco!111111!1 Oh mi fuking gud Draco!1111" I screemed passively as he got an eructation.

_**I'm sorry, he got a what?**_

**Erection.**

_**But she said...**_

**Just forget it. **

"I luv u TaEbory." he whispred sexily and den we fel aspleep lol.

**He almost said another name, the bastard!**

Chapter 33

AN: SHOT DA FOK UP PREPZ!1111 hav u even red de story!11 _**Sadly, yes. **_u r prolyal just prepz nd posrs so FUK U!111 fangz 2 raven 4 da help!1

I wook up in da coffin de next day. **I thought she would wake up with Draco. **Draco waz gone. **Oh, never mind. **I got up and put on a blak tight sexah drsss that was all ripped at da end. _**How descriptive.**_There wuz red korset stuff **I'm not even going to say it.**going up da fornt and da bak and it came up 2 my knees. There wuz a slit in da dress lik in mr & mr simth. _**Never watch that movie. Well, neither of us did.**_I pot** Was that a drug reference?**on ripped blak fishnets and blak stilton **Stilton? Geronimo Stilton! I loved that series! **Bo-ots. Suddenly…. Sorious cockedon da door. I hopened it.

_**Ew.**_

**I don't even want to know.**

"Hi Ibony." **Yet another name change!**he said. "Gezz wut have 2 cum 2 Profesor Sinistor'soffice."

_**Master master TREEEVV IS IN DA-**_

**SHUT UP!**

"Ok." I said in a deprezzd voice. I had wanted to fuk Dracoor maybe lessen to MCR or Evonezcence. I came anyway.

**Screwing Draco over saving the wizarding world?**

_**Way to keep your priorities straight.**_

"So what the fuck happened 2 Snipe and Loopin?" I asked Sorious flirtily.

_**Stay the hell away from my man!**_

"I fucking tortured them."he answered in a statistic **Statistic? **way. "They r in Abkhazian _**Where? **_now, lol."

I laughed evilly.

**Whoa!**

_**What?**_

**She didn't gasp.**

"Where r Draco and Vampira?" I muttered.

_**Harry got a sex change?**_

**NOOOO!**

"Dey are xcused form skool 2day."Sodomizemoaned sexily.

_**She does know what sodomize means, right? **_

**I'm just surprised she spelled it right.**

"Rite now they are watching Da Nigtmare b4 Xmas."

**Hahaha!**

_**Tee hee!**_

We went into da office. Proffesor Sinister was there. She was wearing a goffik blak dress that was all ripped all over it kinda lik da one Amy Lee wears in this pic **I know what she looks like, and so does Katt!**

( http/ **WHAT? **_**I'm so confused!**_She wuz drinking some Volximortserum.

She took out da Pensiv and the time-torner.

"Enoby, you will have to do anozzer session now. Also I need u to get me da cure 4 being adikited." she said sadly. "Good luck. Fangz!"

And then….I jumped into the Prinsive again. Suddenly I looked around…I was in da Grate Hall eating Count Chorcula. _**Oh, it hurts!**_ It was mourning. I was sitting next to Satan. On a table was a tall gottik man wif long blak hair, pail skin and blue eyes wering a suit and blak Cronvrese looked just like Charlyn Manson. **Ha!**I noticed…he was drinking a portent.

**A potion or a Portkey?**

_**I don't care...**_

"Whose he!11" I asked.

"Oh, datz Profesor Slutborn." _**Tee hee!**_Satan said. "He's da Portents teacher…..Ebony?"

"Yah?" I asked.

"Did u know dat Marylin Mason is playing in Hogsemade tonight? And they r showing The Exerciseat da movies b4 dat."

"Yah?"

"Well…...want 2 go 2 da contort and da movie wif me?"

**I just had a flashback of Chapter 2.**

_**I just have a headache.**_

Chapter 34 gost of u **A chapter title!**

_**Yeah, yeah, whatever.**_

**So moody.**

AN: fangz 2 suzi 4 da idea!1 u rok! fuk of prepz!11111111 fangz 2 raven 4 di help u rok gurl!1 ps im gong 2 end da stroy rlly sun so FUK U!111 oh yah nd if u no eny gofik namz plz tel me koz I ned 1 4 serius!1 fangz.

I went in2 da Conmen Room _**For con artists. **_finking of Satan. Suddenly I gasped…..Draco wuz there!111

_**Why?**_

I grasped. **What did she grasp?**He locked as hut **He locked you in a hut? Flashback of the first Harry Potter book! **as eva werring blak ledder pants _**Enough leather, you're killing us.**_, a blak Lonken Prak t-shrit and blak eyeliner.

_**Linkin Park?**_

**WHY?**

"Draco what da fuk r u dong!111111" I gosped.

**Good! She stopped gasping!**

"Huh?" he asked. Then I remembred. It wuzn't Draco. It was Lucan!1 He stil had two arms.

"Oh hi Lucian!1" I sed. "Im Ebony the new student lol we shook handz."

"Yah Satan told me abot you." Lusian said. He pinted to a groop of sexxxy gottik guyz. They where siting in a corner kutting.

**A goth guy knitting.**

_**So sexy.**_

It wuz Serious, Vampire's dad and…Snap! All of them were wearing blak eyeliner and blak Good Chralootte band shirts."Lizzen I'm in a goth band wif those guys." he said. "Were playing 2nite at da Marylin Mason show as back-up.

"ORLY." I ESKED.

"Yeah." he said. "Were calld XBlakXTearX.I play teh plays da drums" he said ponting to him. "Snap plays the boss. And Jamez plays the guitar to even fo we call him Samaro, after Samara in da ring."

**I think my pillow is about to become a victim of verbal abuse.**

_**Go ahead, I got it.**_

"Hey bastards."I told them they gave me Dethz tuch sin. Suddenly I gasped again. "But don't u have a lead singer!" I asked. Lucian looked dawn sadly.

"We uzd to but she did. She contempted suicide by silting her rists." **How original.**

"Oh my fuking god!11 Datz so fuking sad!1" I gasped.

_**Aw, she's gasping again, damn it!**_

"Its okay but we need a new led snigger." Samaro said. _**Snigger?**_

"Wel…..I said Im in a bnad myself."

"Rilly?" asked Snap. I cudnt belive it. He used 2 b goffik!111

"Yeah were called Blody Gothik Rose 666. Do u wanna hr me sing?"

_**Please say no, please say no...**_

Yeah said everyone. So the guys tok out der guitarz. They began to pay a song bi (geddit koz bi guyz r sooo sexah!11)**. **Gurn Day.

_**Oh no.**_

**What's going on?**

"I wok dis empt stret on da bolevrad of broken dremz." I sang sexily

**NOOOOO! WHERE'S MY PILLOW?**

_**Good god...**_

(I dnot own da lyrikz 2 dat song).. Every1 gasped.

"Enopby? Will u join da band? Plz!1" begged Lucian, Samoro, Serious and Snap.

"Um….ok." I shrugged. "Are we gong to play tonight?"

"Yah." they said.

"Ok." I said but I new dat I had 2 get a new outfit. I walked outside wondering how I kud go forward in time. Suddenly someone jumped in fornt of me. It wuz…..Morty Mcfli! _**Not Back to the Future?**_1 He was wering a blak bnad tshrit and blak bagy jeans.

"What da hell r u dong here!11" I asked. _**No kidding.**_

"I wil help u go frowad in tim Enoby." he said siriusly Den….he took out a blak tim machine. I went in2 it and…..sudenly I wuz forward in tim!111

**What just...?**

_**You don't want to know.**_

Chapter 35

AN: I sed stop flaming ok!111111111I bet u r al proly old srevinty yr oldz!111 ps PORTERSUZ UR A PREP!1 o ya nd fangz 2 raven 4 di help!111 hav fun in englond gurl!11111

_**Do you think Tara realizes that we don't care?**_

**Maybe now she does. Do you think she realizes that seventy-year-olds can't read this?**

**_Possibly._ **

I loked around in a depresed way. Suddenly I saw Profesor Sinister. B'lody Mary, Socrates **Socrates? I learned about him last year. **and Draco, Vampire and Willow were their to. _**I thought Willow was dead.**_

**Me too. This gives me a flashback.**

_**You sure have a lot of them. What was it this time?**_

**Meeting you.**

_**How sweet!**_

**Not really.**

_**Screw you!**_

"OMFG Sorius I saw u nd Samaro and Snip nd everyone!11111 I kant beleev Snap uzd 2 b goffik!111111"

"Yah I no." Serious said sadly.

"Oh hey there bitch." Profesor Trevolry said in an emo voice dirnking some Volxemortserom.

**It's like Haymitch Abernathy and his alcohol.**

I said. "Lizzen, Satan asked me out to a gottik cornetand a movie so I need a sexah new outfit for da date. Also I'm playng in a gothic band so I need an ootfit for that too."

_**She has way too many clothes.**_

**You're just saying that **_**now?**_

"Oh my satan!1" (geddit lolz koz shes gofik)gasped B'lody Mary. "Want 2 go to Hot Topik to shop 4 ur outfit?"

"OMFS, letz have a groop kutting session!11" said Profesor Trevolry.

"I can't fucking wait 4 dat but we need 2 get sum stuff first." said Willow. **WILLOW'S BACK!**

_**Again?**_

"Yah we need sum portions for Profesor Trevolry so she wont be adikted 2 Volxemortserum anymore nd also….sum luv potion 4 Enoby." Darko said resultantly.

"Well we have potions klass now." Willow said so let's go.

**They're going to class?**

_**Remarkable. This is, like, the second time this entire story.**_

We went sexily to Potionz class.

**They do everything in a sexy manner. It's not funny anymore.**

_**Yep. They're so sexy, they even fart in a sexy way.**_

**And you say I'm the weird one.**

But Snap wasn't there. Instead there was…Cornelio Fuck!11111

**HAHAHAHA!**

_**TEE HEE HEE HEE!**_

"Hey where the fuck is Dumblydore!111" Draco shouted angrily.

**Yeah, where is Dumbledore?**

_**I hope he's no longer a goth.**_

"STFU!1" Shooted _**Grrr!**_ Cornelia Fuck. "He is in Azkhabian now wif Snip and Loopin **Quit making Lupin seem so terrible, he's awesome! I cried when he died! **

_**I cried when Sirius died.**_

**What's with you and Sirius?**

_**I just love him!**_

he is old and week he has kancer. _**Fail.**_"Now do ur work!111"

My friendz and I talked arngrily.

"Can you BELEVE Snap used to be gottik!1" Vampire asked surprisedly.

"DATZ IT!11" CORNELIO FUK SHOOTED ARNGRILY. "IM GETTING PROFESOR BRIDGE!111"

He stomped out angrily.

_**Who's Professor Bridge?**_

**Umbridge?**

_**I thought she was sacked.**_

**This is My Immortal. Anything can happen.**

Mi frendz and I began talking again. I began to drink some blod mixed wif beer. Suddenly I saw Hargrid in da cupboard.

**I rest my case.**

"WTF is he doing?" I asked. Then I looked at Draco. He wuz wearing tonz of eyeliner nd he locked shexier den eva. Suddenly…"HARGRIF WUT DA FOK RU DOING!11" he shooted. _**I thought that said, "What the fork are you doing?"**_

**That's a clever way to replace fuck. "What the fork."**

I looked around….Hairgrid wuz putting sumfing in my glass of blod!11 Darko and Vampire started 2 beat him up sexily.

"God u r such a posr!1" I shooted at Hairgrid. Suddenly I looked ar what he was putting in da blood. It was…Amnesia Portion!111

_**I think we both need Amnesia Potion.**_

Chapter 36

AN: OK EVRYBODY IM GONG ON VOCATION ON DA FRIST OF JULY SO IM EEDER GONNA END DA FIK OR UPDAT IT IN WEEX. fangz!1 oh yah nd prepz stop flaming sa story!11 raven fangz 4 da help c ya gurl afta vocation!11

_**Why didn't she end it?**_

**No idea.**

DARKO'S PONT OF VIEW LOL

**Who the fork is Darko?**

Vampire and I chaind Hairgrid 2 da floor.

"Oh mi fucking satan!11" Enoby said. She wuz so hot. **Sue...**"Maybe I cud uze Amnesia potion 2 make Satan foll in love wif me faster!1"

_**Idiot.**_

"But u r so sexy and wonderful aneway Tata,"said Vampire. "Why would u need it?"

_**What a kiss-ass.**_

"To make everyfing go faster lol." said Enoby. **I have never met anyone who actually said LOL, unless they were making fun of textspeak.**

"But you wont have to do it wif him or anyfing, will u?" I asked jelosly.

"OMFG u guyz r so scary!11" said Britney, a fucking prep.

_**I'm on Britney's side. Tara's a prep hater.**_

**Team Britney, BITCH!**

"Shut the fuk up!1" said Willow.

"Ok well anyway lets go 2 Profesor Trevolry's room."

Draco, Ebory and I went to Profesor Siniater's _**MASTER MASTER TREVVVV- **_**Dude. **_**Sorry.**_room. But Profesor Sinister wasn't there. Instead Tom Rid was.

Oh hi fuckers he said. Lizzen, I got u sum kewl new clovez.

**WHAT'S UP?**

I took out da clovesfrom da bag. It was a goffik blak leather miniskirt that said '666' on da bak, black stilton bootz, blood red fishnetz and a blak corset.

_**Draco in that outfit? I don't if I should lauh or if I should be-**_

**Please DO NOT finish that thought.**

"OMG fangz!" I said hugging him in a gothic way. I took da clothes in da bag.

"OK Profesor Sinister isnt hr what the fuk should we do?" asked he loked at a sign on da blak wall.

**OH! Is Darko another name for Draco?**

_**Brava, Genius.**_

**Shut the fork up.**

"Oh my fuking satan!1" I screamed as I read it. On it said Evry1 Profesor Sinister is away. She is too gottik she is in Azkhabian now. Classes shal be taught by Dubledork who is bak but he shall not be principal 4 now. Sincerely Profesor Rumbridge.

"OMFG!111" I shoted arngrily. "How could they do that!11"

Suddenly Dumblydore came.

"WHAT DA HELL R U DONG IN MY OFICE!1" he began to shoot angrily. Sudwenly I saw Morty Mcfly's blak tim machine!111 I jumped seductivly **Are you serious? **in2 it leaving Draco and Vampire. Sudenly I wuz back in tim!11 I looked around. It was…Profesor Slutborn's efface! I sneaked around. Suddenly I saw da Amnesia potion on his desk. It wuz blak wif blood-red pentagramz in it. _**I don't get it.**_It was the shape of a cross. I put it in my poket. Suddenly da door opened it wuz…..Profesor Slutgorn!11

OMG wut r u doing fuker he shooted angrily I don't kno wut da fuk r u DOING I SHOUTED ANGRILY.

_**Oh my God, she used shouted and not shooted! I'm so proud!**_

"Oh sorry I wuz just looking around koz I thought it wuz class." you said finally hoping he couldn't c da potion in ur pocket.

**Potion in your pocket? That reminded me of that Dr. Seuss book. "There's A Wocket In My Pocket."**

"Oh ok u can go now." said Profesor Slutborn. _**I love that name.**_

You went to the conmen room after putting on my clothes. Silas, Samaro and Snap were there practicing Vampirez will Never Hurt U by MCR.

"Oh hi you guys." I said seductively. "Wheres Satan?"

"Oh he's cumming." said Serious. "BTW u can kall me Hades now." Suddenly Satan came. He was wearing a smexxy blak leather Jackson, blak congres shoes, a Slipnot t-shirt and a blak tie.

"Ok I will see you guyz at da concert." I said and then I went with Satan.

_**When did Satan turn up?**_

**Forget it, let's just move on to the next chapter.**

Chapter 37

_**Oh god, it's a long chapter...**_

AN: wut doez every1 fink if I end da strory and den I add sum more 2 it after vocation? oh yah asnd prepz stup flaming if u dnot lik dat story den take muh quiz ok den u wil c if ur gofik or not!1111111

Satan and I walked 2 his car. It wuz a blak car wif pentagrams all over it. On da license plate said 666 just lik Draco's car. I went in it seduktivly.

_**I can bang my head in a sexy manner.**_

**Do it!**

… **OW! You're in my head, not so hard!**

_**Too hard?**_

**Why do you think I said ow?**

Stan started 2 drive it. We talked about Satanism (lolz he wuz named after Satan), kuttting, musik and being goffik. **Talking about music can be fun, but Tara makes it seem... not fun.**

"Oh my satan, Gerard is so fuking hot!11" Volxemort agreed as we smoked sum weed. (koz bi guyz r hot dey r so sensitive I luv dem lol goez fux a bi guy)

_**Did she just say she would fuck a bisexual guy?**_

**Billie Joe Armstrong's bi...**

_**And married with two kids, you perv. One of them is a day younger than you.**_

"Lol, I totally decided not 2 comit suicide when I herd Hilena." I said in a flirty voice. "….Hey Satan do u know da cure 4 when ppl r adikted 2 Volxemortseruem?" _**Well. Apparently Voldemortserum is the wizarding equivalent to alcohol.**_

**Do you think you would still get a hangover? Hmmm.**

_**Ahhh, important questions.**_

"Well…" he thought. "I fink u have 2 drink Vampire blod."

Suddenly Volxemort parked da car behind a blak movie theater. **Why is ****everything black?**Satan and I walked outside. We went in2 da movie tether were they were showing da Excercist. In it a boy and a gurl were doing it sudenly a cereal killer came and I laughed at da blood koz we're sadists. _**Weird.**_

While Satan was watching da movie, I had an idea. I took Satan's gothic blak Nightmare b4 Christmas cigarSexily from his poket and put sum Amnesia potion in it. I put it bak in his blak Emile the Strange bag._**Wasn't it in his pocket? **_**It's like Chapter 11 all over again.**Satan turned arund and started 2 smoke it. **In the movie theater? **Blak cloudz wif red pentagramz ind em started 2 fly around everywhere.

_**What the hell are they smoking?**_

**Black cocaine.**

_**Ha! Very clever.**_

**No, really, that exists.**

_**No way.**_

**Yeah. Google it. Or just read Chapter 21.**

_***reads* I'll be damned, it does exist!**_

"OMG!111" Satan said jumping up. I gasped koz I wuz afraid hed notizd. "Enoby gess what?" _**What?**_

I new that the amnesia had worked. **How do you know?**

"Amnesia potion has not been invented yet so it will not work." He said. "2 badd coz I wanted 2 use sum on u."

**Here comes the headache, doo doo doo doo...**

_**There goes your brain cells, doo doo doo doo...**_

"Kul." I raised my eye suggestingly. **You raised your eye? Why? **And den…. he tok of my cloves sexily and we started 2 make out. I tok of his shit. He had six-pak justr lik Gerard Way!11 We frenched. _**Oh, no, not another sex scene!**_

"Xcuze me but u r going 2 have 2 leave!111" shooted da lady behind us she was a prep. **GO PREP LADY, GO!**

"Fuk u!11" I said. Suddenly…. I attaked her suking all her blood.

**NOOOO PREP LADY!**

"Noooooo!11" she screamed. All the preps in da theater screamed but everyone else crapped koz Satan and I loked so cute 2gether. Satan and I started to walk outside.

"Zomg how did u do that?" Voldremort asked in a turned-on voice. _**Who actually says "ZOMG?" Who can even say it?**_

**Nudge from Maximum Ride.**

"I'm a vampire." I said as we went into the car.

"Siriusly?" he gasped.

_**Now she spells my man's name right. DAMN YOU!**_

"Yah siriusly." I said drinking sum beer. Satan started 2 drive da car. I smelled happily.

"Itz too bad we didn't get 2 c da rest of the movie, don't u fink?"

"Yah." I said as we kised passively. Satan parked in a blak driveway next 2 da place where Draco and I had watched GC for the frist time. We went inside where Marylin Mason wuz playing and started to mosh lol.

**We're not laughing.**

_**We're hurting.**_

**We're hurting so bad right now-**

_**-It's not even funny.**_

"Anti-ppl now uve gone 2 far Jeus Krist Superstar!1111" screamed Marlin on da stage. We did the devil fingers. I started 2 dance really close to Satan. He was so shmexay!1 He looked at me all emo with his gothic red eyes and he looked exactly like Mikey Way. I almost got an orgaism!1 Suddenly Marylin Mason stopped singing.

"I wood like to peasant…..XBlakXTearX!11" he said. I ran onstage. Lucian, Samaro, Snap and Hades were there. They started 2 play their instilments. I got onstag. **On a stag? YOU'RE ON TOP OF PRONGS?**

"Wel if u wonted honesty datz all u had 2 say!1111" I sang. (I dnot own da lyerix 2 dat song) My voice sounded lik a pentagram betwen Amy Lee and a gurl version of Gerard Woy. Everyone clappd. Satan got an eructation.

"I'M NUT OKAY!1" I sang finaly. Suddenly Lucian started playing da song wrong by mistak.

"OMFG!1" yielded James. "Wut the fuck?"

"Woops im sory!" said Lucian.

"You fuking ashhole!1" James shouted angrily.

"U guys are such prepz!11" Snap said. "Cum on it wuz a mistake!1"

"Yah itz not his fault!11" said Serious.

"No he ruined the fucking song!1" yelled Samaro.

"U guys stop!11" I shotoed angrily but it waz 2 late. They all began 2 fight. Sudenly Samaro took out hiz nife.

"OMFG no!11" shouted Lucan but it wuz 2 late James tried 2 shoot off his arm.

And den…I jumped secxily in front of da bullet!11

"No!111" yielded everyone but it wuz 2 late suddenly everyfing went blak.

**That last part was actually entertaining. Not too bad.**

_**Oh, honey, wait until you see the next chapter!**_

Chapter 38

I Am A Trolling Genious, lolz

**You might be, Tara.**

_**It's not Tara.**_

**What?**

Disclaimer: I do not own the HP series and I am not the real XXXbloodyrists666XXX. **WHAAAAT?**

AN/ I am an extremely immature pathetic idiot girl, I know. Out of boredom, I crack this girl's passy for fun (and it took less than 8 minutes to do it too) and will probably get in a shitload of trouble. Which I probably deserve 'cause I'm being a troll right now. Meh.

And I present to you MY crappy part in this story. (And take note I haven't even finished reading this fic yet, but instead skip over to skim chapter 38.) Flame, laugh, do whatever you want "preps."

**I love you!**

_**Ditto!**_

I, the American retail wearing british vampire Sue, **Ha ha! **coughed up blood.

Satan kneeled down beside me.

"Noooooooooooooooo! Don't die!"

I gave him a rueful smile. "I'm sorry. It's something I had to do, to fufill my duty as the noble gothic Mary Sue."

Satan sobbed. "I love you Ebony."

"I love you two. I'll...I'll see you in hell." I mumbled, already finding my surroundings fading to black.

B'loody Mary Smith suddenly popped into the room for no apparent frowned when she realized the room was oddly quiet, but at the sight of Ebony's lifeless body, she screamed. Her face became pale with horror. She screamed for the healers, Dumbledore, Mcgoogle, and every single gothic person she could think of.

Suddenly, a glow started to surround the body of Ebony. Everyone stared in shock. Her body started to lift ever so slowly and then, to everyone's shock, it started to incinerate.

_**This is actually good!**_

**I love hackers.**

_**Yeah, this person and Lisbeth Salander.**_

**Lisbeth is my profile pic.**

When everyone realized what was happening, they rushed over to try to rescue the body, but it was too late, the Sue became nothing more then a pile of ashes.

A loud resounding of everyone bellowing "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO...!" filled the room.

A flash of white light from the ashes then started to bounce around the room. Everyone cowered in fear and were temporarily blinded. When it was all over, things changed.

All the silly goth clothes dropped from everyone's bodies (AN/I will refuse to explain how the hell that happened.) and, in their place, clothes the characters would normally wear in canon appeared on their bodies.

When everyone got over the shock of becoming free of the gofick power, everybody cheered. Everyone started singing 'Ding dong the sue is dead...'

**I LOVE YOU.**

_**Wizard of Oz reference! Clever!**_

Well, that is, until all the HP characters realized the true implications of becoming more canon like again.

All the characters who were supposed to be dead fell to the floor, their bodies cold and lifeless. Harry and Voldemort started dueling. On the left side of the two, the battle of the Light Side and the Dark Side were reaching a climax.  
>And, because the replacement author also likes to screw around with canon, Draco and Hermione fled the scene and got married.<p>

_**I love that couple!**_

**Ew, I don't.**

_**Why? Opposites attract!**_

Meanwhile...

Down in hell, Ebony shed a single tear because of her current situation. A situation that would live on for all eternity. Or at least until the end of fanfiction time.

She lost it all, but she knew she had to remain strong. Nothing would ever break her down.

She looked down over her pale body, and frowned. 'Where are my emo clothes?' She asked herself in confusion.

And then it occured to her...

For her shirt, she was wearing a bright pink polo with a little seagull on the (right or left? I can't remember) side. Below that, she was wearing a denim miniskirt with the "destroyed" look on it. Paired underneath that skirt were leggings with a little moose at the bottom. And then Ebony realized, on her shoulder, she was carrying a pretty bag with an eagle on it that said Live Your Life written all over the bag.

Ebony supressed the urge to scream. Here she was decked out in clothes prep to the extreme wearing stuff from Abercrombie and Fitch, American Eagle, AND Hollister.

_**Tee hee! So she's a prep now! Brilliant!**_

**I LOVE YOU! You are legendary!**

Panicked, Ebony hastily tried to take off the Hollister polo, but underneath it, there was another Hollister polo underneath. Ebony frowned, and looked under her shirt. All she saw was a bra underneath (dare I point out it's from the Aerie line available at American Eagle?). Ebony tried to remove the shirt again. But to her frustration, there was yet again another polo to replace it.

"THIS IS UNLOGICAL AND DOES NOT MAKE ANY SENSE!" _**About time she realized this!**_Ebony bellowed out to the air. She failed to see the irony in her statement, how hypocrytical her words were, seeing as she was practically calling the kettle black here.

Ebony slit her writs and mumbled to herself, "Omigod."

/End Crap Fic.

AN/ Oh yeah, if you wanna see the original content this chick had planned for this chapter, I accessed it through the document manager thingy, which I copied and pasted, so you can read it here:

**Dear Hacker, you are a fucking legend. We love you and we salute you.**

**Sincerely, Trina (Little Dark Dynamite) and Katt (crazy version of Trina)**

_**Please change that.**_

**Fine.**

**Sincerely, Trina (Little Dark Dynamite) and Katt (The voice in Trina's head)**

_**Thank you. Shall we move on?**_

**I guess.**

Chapter 39

THE IDIOT'S NOTE: Well... this was in the doc area... might as well let the whole world see what the real Tara wanted to show us... Have a nice day!

AN: stfu prepz git a lif!111111 U SUCK!11 oh and form now on il be in vocation in englind until lik august so I wont be able 2 update 4 a while, lolz. fangz 2 evry1 hu revoiwed expect da prepz hu flamed FOK U!1 MCR RULEZ 666!111

I woke up in da Norse's offace on a special gothik coffin. Hairgrid wuz in da bed opposite me in a comma **Imagine a comma as a bed. Can't, huh?**coz Vampir and Draco had bet him up. Mr. Noris was cleaning the room. _**Imagine Draco and Harry beating a giant up. Can't, huh?**_

**You copycat.**

_**You copycat.**_

**Damn it, you're like a five year old.**

_**Damn it, you're like a five year old.**_

**I am a mediocre dunce who can't think of anything original.**

_**I am a mediocre dunce who can't think of anything original.**_

**HA!**

_**HA! You just insulted yourself.**_

…

_**I win.**_

"Oh mi satan wut happened!" I screamed. Suddenly Volxemort came. He loked less mean then usual.

"Get the fuk out u fucking bastard!11" I yielded.

"Thou hath nut killd Vampire yet!11" he said arngrily. Sudenly he started 2 cry tearz of blood al selective.

"Volxemort? OMFG what's wrong!111" I asked.

Sudenly…. Lucian, Profesor Sinister and Serious came! B'lody Mary and Vampire were wif dem. Every1 was holding blak boxez. VOLXEMORT DISAPAERD.

"OMFG Enoby ur alive!111" Scremed Vampire. I hugged him and B'lody Mary.

"What the fuk happened?" I asked dem. "Oh my satan!11 Am I lik dead now?" I gosped. **STOP GASPING!**

"Enoby u were almost shot!11" said Serious. "But da ballet could not kill u since u were form anodder time."

"But fangz anyway!1" said Lucian holding oot his arm. I gasped. He had two arms! _**I think most people do.**_

"OMG I cant beleve Vampirz' dad shot u!1" I gasped.

**Vampire's dad is dead!**

"Well 2 be honest Snap wuz pozzesd by Snap bak den." said James.

**I'm confused.**

_**Ditto.**_

"Yah he wuz a spy." Serious said sadly. "He wuz really a Death Dealer." _**They deal black cocaine.**_

"And he wuz such a fuking poser 2!11" said Lucian. "He didn't even realy no hu GC were until I told him." Well anyway everyone tarted 2 give me presents. I was opening a blak box wif red 666s (there wuz a dvd of corps bride in it) on it when I gasped. Mr. Noris looked up angrily coz he h8ed gothz.

"Hey haz aneone fuking seen Draco?" I asked gothikally.

"No Draco told me he wood be watching Hoes of Wax." said Profesor Trevolry. "He duzzn't know dat ur better. Anyway da norse said u could get up. Cum on!1"

**Horrible movie.**

I got up suicidally. Lucian, Serious and Profesor Sinister left. I wuz wearing a blak leather nightgun.

_**I can't even look at leather anymore.**_

Under that I had on a sexxy blak leather bra trimed wif blak lace, with a matching thong that said goffik gurl on the butt and sexy fishnetz that kind hooked on 2 my thong (if u don't get da idea massage me ill tell u). I put on a blak fishnet top under a blak MCR t-shirt, a blak leather mini with blak lace and congress shoes.I left the hospital's wings wif B'lody Mary, Willow and Vampire.

"OMFG letz celebrate!11" gasped Willow.

_**What in the world are Congress shoes?**_

**Shoes for old people?**

"We can go c Hose of Wax wif Draco!1" giggled Vampire.

"Letz go lizzen 2 GC and kut ourselvz 666!11" said Hermoine.

**Hermione's back? Yay!**

We opened da conmen room door sexily. And den…..I gasped… Draco wuz there doing it wif Snap!1111111111111111111111111 He wuz wearing a blak tshirt wif 666 on da front and baggy jeanz.

**He's having sex with his clothes on?**

_**Guess he was in a hurry.**_

"U fucking prep!11" we all yielded angrily.

"Yah u betrayed us!111" shooted Vampire angrily as he took out his blak gun.

"No u don't understand!1" screamed Draco sadly as he took his thingie out of Snake's.

**HAHAHA!**

"_**Out of Snake's." Tee hee! That's funny!**_

"No shit u fuking suk u preppy bastard!111" said Willow trying 2 attak him (u rok girl!1). I ran suicidally to my room I sexily took a steak out. **She had a stake this whole time? Someone grab it and stab her!**

"Enoby no!11111" screamed Draco but it wuz 2 l8 I had slit muh ritsts wif it suddenly everyfing went blak again.

Chapter 40

**We're at Chapter 40.**

_**Almost done!**_

AN: 2 every1 hu kepz flaming diz GIT S LIF! I bet u proly odnt no hu gerod way is ur proly al prepz and pozers!11111 neway sum1 hakked in2 mi akkount in November and dey put up my last chaptah but now der is a new 1. im surry 4 nut updating g 4 a while but ive been rilly bizzy. im trying 2 finish da story b4 da new movie kumz gong on vacation 4 a mons I wont be bak until abott 2 weeks. OMFG drako iz so hot in all da pix 4 da new movie!111I wunted dem 2 put a kameo by geord way lol he hsud play u flame ill slit muh **Mufasa?** risztz!11raven u rok gurl hav fun in ingland.

When I wook up I wuz in a strange room. _**Not in your coffin?**_I loked around I wuz wearing da same outfit I had when is performed wif XBlakXTearX!11I looked arund confusedly. **Just "confused" would have been better.** It wuz da Norse's office but it looked difrent! On da wall wuz a pik of Marlyin Munzon!1111 (just imagin dat he is an 80s goffik band2 ok koz he is more old den panic? at da dizcko or mcr)

der wuz also a goffik blak Beatles calander

**Oh my God.**

_**You dimwit!**_

**You brought in The Beatles? AND you misspelled it?**

_**OWWW DARE YOU!**_

with a picture of the beetlez werring iyeliner and blak cloves. **Ow. That would hurt!**On it said '1980.' _**Why 1980, Tara? Why not 2010? You know, like the year you were born.**_

"OMFG! Im back in Tim again!111" **Who's Tim?**

I screamed loudly. Suddenly Satan(dis is actually voldimort 4 photo refrenss!). Voldimort wuz wearing a blak leather Jackson,

_**Why does she keep wearing Michael Jackson? I don't imagine he likes that very much.**_

**Uh, Michael's dead.**

_**If he was alive, I don't imagine he would like it very much.**_

blak tight jeans and fishnet pantz. **Two pairs of pants? Is it a snow day? **He looked so sexah I almost had an orgy!11 _**Way too much info, bro.**_

"OMFG Enoby r u ok." He asked gothikally. **I don't understand. **

"Yah Im okay 4 ur in4mation." I snapped sexily. _**Charming, isn't she?**_"OMG am I dedd?" koz I remembered I had jumped in front off da bullet from Jame's gun. I also rememberd cing Drako doing it wif Snap!111 **I will never read a lemon after this.**

_**After this, I'll be reading good lemons.**_

**You disturb me.**

I guessed dat when I had slit mi wrists I had went bak in tim instead of dieing. **Seriously, who's Tim?**

I knoew I could go forward in time if I found a time-toner or da tim machine. **Is he a time machine builder?**

"No ur not dead." Satan reassured suicidally as he smokd a cigarette sexily and smoke came all over his face. _**That doesn't make sense at all.**_

"Ur a vampire so u kant die frum a bullet. _**That's right! Only a stake!**_

**Think I should have stolen Ebony's stake from earlier?**

_**You didn't?**_

**No.**

_**You mediocre dunce.**_

Cum on now lets go c how Hairy's dadis doing."

_**Huh?**_

**Oh no, not James...**

I noo dat da real reason I didn't die from da balletwas koz I was from da future.

**Say it with me, Katt:**

**(in unison) EPIC FAIL!**

"WTF! James almust shot Luciious!" I said indigoally.I knew that James had really ben possezzed, but I didn't want him2 know I knew.

"Yah I know but he had a headache he wz under a lot of stress." Satan reasoned evilly. _**Headaches aren't good reasons to be angry.**_

**Sometimes.**

"I guess that's ok." I said because James hadn't really shot Lucian. Also I noo that Lucian wood now have 2 arms instead of 1. I walked seduktivly outside with Satan. Suddeni I saw a totally sexi goffik bi guy!11 He had bleched blond hair wiv blak streaks up 2 his ears and he wuz wearing goffik blak iliner, a blak Green Day shirt (it showed billy joel wiv bolnd hair since it was da eighties), blak congress shoes and black baggy pants. He walked in all sexly like Gerrd way in the vido for I Don't 3 u lyk I did yesterday **You know, Tara, the least you can do is spell the song titles by your favorite band right. You are a fangirl after all.**

and you cud see a blak tear on his facelyk da wmn in dat video. "Hey." He sed all qwietly and goffically. **What is her grade in English?**

_**F-.**_

**No, it has to be lower.**

"Who da fuck is that?" I asked angrly cos I did nut kno him.

"Dis is…Hedwig!11" Sed Volximort. **SHE'S ALIVEEEEEEE! **"He used to be in XBlackXTearX 2 but he had 2 dropp out koz he broke his arm.

_**WAIT, DID SHE JUST TURN HEDWIG INTO A GOTH GUY?**_

**DAMN YOU TARA!**

"Hey Hedwig." I said seductively evn tho I wuz nut tring to b.

"Lol hi Enoby." He answered but then he ran away bcos he had hair of magical creature. **Ha ha!** He was humming Welcum 2 da Blak Prade under his breth( I no dat is not 80s but pretend it is ok!) **No, we will not!**

"Bye." I sed all sexily.

"Dat was Hedwig. He used 2 b my boifreindbut we broke up." Satan said sadly, luking at his blak nails.

_**This is so messed up!**_

"OMFG I can get u bak 2gether!" I said fingering something I didn't know wuz in my pocket- a blak Kute is What we Aim 4 **They're not gothic, Tara, they are pop punk! Along with Green Day and Good Charlotte.**cideo ipod that I could take videos wif (duz ne1 elze no about dem? dey kik azz!).

**I've got one! I named her Jade.**

_**Who names their electronics?**_

**My friend named her iPod Vladimir.**

_**See, this is why you're crazy. You hang with weird people.**_

**They're the best people ever!**

"Ok u can 4get about ur class for now, Hedwig. Im going 2 show u something grate!1" I led them to da Great Hall. "Cum on u guys."

Lucian, James, Serious and Snake were all in da Grate Hall. Lucian woudnt talk wiv James because he had tried 2 shoot him.

"Go fuk urself you fukking douche!" _**That insult was disappointing. So cliché!**_he shouted at him. "Drako is . never gong 2 b frends with vampire now!1" **No, he's just going to have sex with one.**

_**Really bad sex.**_

**No, just very badly written sex.**

"Yah go fuck urself Samaro!"

Snape agreed but I noo he wuz lying koz it had been his folt James had almost shot Lucian.

"B quiet u guys." I said sexily. Mi plan waz working oot great. Now I kood make Voldement good wivout doing it with him! Now Vampire's dad wood never die _**Okay...**_and "OK Satan and Hedwig, u guys can start making out." I said and I started 2 film dem wiv da ipod. **Now she's a matchmaker. That's just great.**

"Kool."said Serious as Voldemort and Hedwig started 2 make out sexily.** Ew!** We watched as tdey started 2 take each odderz cloves off sexily. Samaro, Serious, Snake and Lucian all watched koz dey wer prolly bi. I noo Snape was bi.

_**I'm disturbed.**_

"Oh my fukking god! Voldimort! Voldimort!" screamed Hedwig as his glock **His glock?**touched Voldemort's.

But suddenly everything stopped as da door opend and in kame…Dumblydore and Mr. Norris!111111111111

_**That one was way too long.**_

**Moving on...**

Chapter 41

**Aw, man, this one's really one.**

_**Fuck my life...**_

da blak parade **That was my favorite MCR song.**

AN: omg da new book iz kumming out rlly soon I kant wait!1111. I fink dat snap will be really the same person as Volximort koz dey are both haff-blood so dat will explain y he kild dumblydore and he hated hairy!1111 nd den hairy wil have 2 kommit suicide so voldimort will die koz he will rilly be a horcrox!111 omg I hope draco nd harry get 2getha dat will be so shmexxy, wont it? If dey don't den JKR is hamophobic!111111 fangz 4 da help wiv facts, medusa u rok!111

**I'm sorry, but there is no way in hell she read any of the books. Just saying.**

_**My God, this chapter is like six pages!**_

I sat depressedly in Dumbledork's office wiv Hedwig, Satan, James, Serious, Snap and Lucian. Dumbledore was sitting in front of us cruelly. He looked more young den he did in da future. He had taken da ipod away and wuz now lizzening 2 a shitty Avril Levine song.

**She. is. Not. Shitty.**

_**Congrats, Tara, you just pissed off Trina.**_

"What da hell is this anyway?" he cackled meanly. I hoped he didn't find out dat I was frum another time.

"Whatever u do don't blame Ibony, u jerk." Satan said.

"Yah, siriusly she was trying to get Satan and Hedwig back together." Serious said deviantly.

"Be quiet you Satanists." Dumbledore cockled. "If ur lucky I'll probably send u all to Akazaban! That will teach u to copolate in da Great Hall." _**Copolate?**_He changed the song on da ipod 2 a n'Sync song. Suddenly I noticed sumfing strong about da was slowly chonging! Dumblydore didn't notece.

"You fucking poser." I muttoned.

"I bet you've never herd of GC." James said. Know I knew waht da iPod was chonging in2- Morti McFly's tim machine!11 **I thought it was Tim's machine.**

"Shut up Jomes!" Drako's dad shouted.

"Yeah shut up!" Snake said preppily.

"No u shut up Dumblydore!1111" said Tom. **When did Tom get here?**

"I've had enough of u Satanists in my school!" shouted Dumbledore spuriously. _**So have we!**_  
>Suddenly I grabed da iPod from him. "Evry1! Jump in b4 itz 2 l8! I jumped in2 it. But only 1 odder person jumpd in. It was…..Satan. <strong>So dramatic! <strong>

"You dunderheads!1111111111" screamed Dumbledore wisely as we went.

_**That was a much better insult.**_

I looked around. I wuz in da Slitherin conmen room wiv Satan. I was wearing a blak plaid miniskirt with hot pink fishnetz, a sexy blak MCR corset and blak stiletto boots with pink pentagroms on dem. My earrings were blake Satanist sins and my raven hair was all around me to my mid-black.

_**Didn't she say she hated pink?**_

**I don't even care anymore.**

"Hey kool where iz dis?" he asked in an emo voice.

"Dis is da future. Dumbeldore's iPod dat he tried to take away from me wuz really also a tim machine." I told him.

"Kool what's an ipatch?" he whimpered. **A fancy first-aid kit that also plays music and movies. It was the last thing Steve Jobs was working on**

_**Rest in peace, Steve.**_

**Rest in peace.**

"It's somefing u use 2 lizzen 2 music." I yakked.

"OMFG kool wait whatz a 4-letter-wurd 4 dirt?" he esked in his sexah voice.

"Um I guezz sand?" I laid confuesdly.

"Yah I wuz just triinyg to make sure u were stil da same perzon." He triumphently giggled.

**I thought he was doing a crossword puzzle. Anyone else?**

_**I did.**_

Suddenly some of my friends walked in.

"OMG you're fucking alive!" said Ginny wearing a blak leather jocket, blak baggy pants and a goffik black Frum First to Last shirt. I explained 2 her why I was alive.

"Konichiwa, bitch." said Willow. She was wearing a blak corset showing off her boobs with lace all around it and red stipes on it. With it she waz wearing a blak leather miniskirt, big blak boots, white foundation, blak eyeliner, red eyeshadow, and blak lipstick.

"Hey, motherfucker." Said Diabolo with his red hair. He waz wearing a black P?ATD t-shit and blak baggy pants.

_**What's a t-shit?**_

**I don't know... I don't what a T-shirt is!**

_**Well, yeah, you wear one every freaking day.**_

**I do not! Some days, I wear blouses!**

_**Nope, you're not stuck in a fashion rut.**_

"Hey whose that, Ibony?" B'loody Mary questioned as she walked in wearing a black t-shit with a red pentarom on it with lace at the bottom, red letther pants with blak lace, and black stolettoes.

"Oh its Satan." I told her and she nodded knowing da truth.

Suddenly Satan started to cry. _**That's funny!**_

"Are you okay Satan?" we asked concernedly.

"OMFG ur from da future!1! What if u don't like m anymore koz were from difrent times?" he asked.

"No I still like you." I said sexily to him.

"Ok." He said ressuredly. I let him lizzen 2 Teenagers by MCR on my ipod while I was about to go outside to find out some fingz. I gave Diabolo a signal to keep Satan occupied. Satan fell asleep. I took the iPod. I was about to walk outside. Profesor Sinister ran in!1111 She was wearing a gothic blak minidress with depressing blak stripes, white and blak stripped tights, and red converse shoes. She was wearing LOTS of blak iliner.

**She just butchered eyeliner.**

"Oh my fucking god, where's Draco!111 How did Snap get back here! I tohot he wuz in Azerbaijan." I asked sadly.

"Ebony I was so worried abott u but I know you can't fucking die because you're a vrompire. Snape came back because that girl Britney freed him. I never liked her she was a bad student." Trevolry said reassuredly.

"That bitch!11 Did she also free Hargrid and Loopin?" I shouted angrily. I hated Britney because she was a fucking prep.

**OWWW!**

_**Crazy cat!**_

**Bad Diva!**

_**So, one of Trina's cats Diva just tried to jump on Trina's lap, but she slipped and dug her claws into her thigh.**_

**Owww...**

"Yes they are on the loose at this school. Dumblydore is back Cornelia is on his way to help evry1. Tell evry1 u see to lock themselves in their conman room!" Trevolry said worriedly.

"OK. But where's Dracko? How cum he was doing it with Snap?"

"I dunno why but I know he almost tried 2 commit suicide after he saw u almost kill urself." she said. **I have tiny holes in my leg now.**

"OMG dat's terrible!" I gasped. **See, that's the appropriate time to gasp.**Satan was still asleep, so he couldn't tell what was going I said "Lizzen **Lizzie McGuire! Disney Channel's good days! **evry1, I have sumthing imptent to do. in hr evry1 stay!" wiv dat I ran out.

"Good luck Tara!11" everyone cried.

_**TARA?**_

**I knew this was a wish-fulfillment fantasy for her.**

I ran sexily down the staris in2 da Grate Hall while da portraits around looked at me scaredly. There was hardly ne1 else in the stairs nd tere was an atmosphere of horrer. On da way I saw Britney laughing on da stairs. She was wearing a a slutty pink shirt wiv flowers on it, a blu jean skirt Abercromie and pink stiletoos. She looked jest like a pentagram of those fucking preps Hilery Duff and Lindsey Lohan.

_**Talk about the pot calling the kettle black.**_

**That is a great song by Tilly and the Wall. Go listen to it. Now. "Pot Kettle Black."**

"You fucking bitch!111" I shouted angrily.

"No, your totally a bitch. Now Voldemort will like totally kill u!" she laughed.

_**Valley Girl?**_

**As a Valley Girl, I find that sentence extremely offensive.**

"Crucious!1" I shouted selectively pontificating my blak wand and she started screaming koz she was being tortured and I laughed sodistically.

"No!1 Help me!1 Please!1" Britney screamed terrifiedly.

I put up my middle finger at her hand I saw da video cameraSnape and Lumpin had used to take da video of me. I put the tape of Voldimort doing it with Hedwigg onto it. Then I continued to rown down the stairs with the camera. _**What? **_When I had reached da Grate Hall I saw Vampire Potter. "OMG Vampira!111" I yielded.

We hugged each udder **The** **udder of a cow? **happily. He locked at me wif his gothic red eyes and spiky blak hair. Around them were blak eyeliner and iShadow.

His He wus wearing a blak leather Jackson, ledder pants, a Panik at da Disko concert shirt and his blak congress shoes. He looked mor like Joel from Good Charlote than ever. (did u hear der song da river it rox!1)"I wus so worried you died!" moaned Vampire.

"I know but Im a vampire lol. When I woke up I wuz back in 1980, so neway I bought Voldimort from when he was yung with me."

"Where's Draco?" I asked spuriously. **BEHIND YOU! **

"Draco? You mean that fukking poser who betroyed you?" Vampir snarkled with anger in his sexy voice.

"I NO BUT WE HAV 2 FIND HIM." I SED SMARTY.

"I'll do it den." Harry said angstily.

"OK." I argreed. Suddenly….all da lights in da room went out. And den….da Dork Mark appeared. _**Dork alert, dork alert, dork alert...**_

"Oh my fucking satan!" Harry shouted.

"I fink Voldimort has arrivd." I sed anxiously. "Fuck, I have to find Draco!1 I guess we shood separate."

"Ok." Vampire sed diapperating. Sadly I ran into the Great Hall.

Chapter 42

AN: I fink after dis I wil hav abott 2 or three mor chapterz. Fangz 2 all muh revyooers not das flamers if u flamed sis story den u suk!111111 if u flam den fukk u!111

I walked sexily into the Great was empty except for one person. Draco was there! **Not too predictable.** He sat der in deddly bloomin his blak 666 t-shirt and his baggy blak pants. He had slit his wrists!111I felt mad at him for having sexwith Snape but I felt sorry for looked just like Gerard Way with his red eyes and his pale white face. **Gerald Way doesn't have red eyes.**

"Draco are you okay?" I asked.

_**I doubt it, since he just got raped by Alan Rickman. And he slit his wrists. Multiple times, actually.**_

"I'm not okay." he screamed depressedly. I thought of the MCR song nd I got even more depressed koz that song always makes me cry. _**I knew she was going to think of the MCR song. I KNEW IT!**_I gave him a pot cigarette and he started to smoke it.

"Oh Draco why did you do it with that fucking bastard Snape?" I asked teardully. **She was crying dully?**

"I-" Draco began to say but suddenly Lupin and Mr. Norris appearated in2 da room! They didn't see us.

"Im so glad we me and Snape were freed." said Loopin.

_**We're glad too. Both of you are too epic to be in jail.**_

"Dam, this job would be great if it wasn't 4 da fukking students!" Mr. Norris argreed.

"Pop addelum!111" I yielded angrily pointing my wand at them.

"Noooooooo!1" Lupin shouted as chains came on him. Mr. Norris ran away.

**Chicken.**

"You fukking perv." I said laughing wiv depths of evil and depressedness in my voice."Now u have 2 tell us where Voldimort is or I'm gong 2 torture u!"

"I don't now where he is!1111" said Loopin. Suddenly Satan and Vampire ran in2 da room. Vampir didn't know who Satan was really.

"Oh my satan, we were so worried about u guys!1" Vampire said. I looked sexilyat Draco with his goffik red eyes with contacts, blak t-shirt that said 666 on it and pale skin like Gerord Way, Vampir with his sexy blak hair and red eyes just like Frank Iero and Satan who looked jist like Brandan Urie then.

_**For the sake of humanity, tone down the Sexiness.**_

**You didn't bring sexy back, Ebony.**

_**No. We did.**_

"**I'm bringing sexy back!"**

"_**YEAH!"**_

"**Them other boys don't know how to act..."**

"_**YEAH!"**_

took the caramelfrom my pocket. **I want candy... **And then….. I began frenching Draco sexily. _**Not passively? I'm shocked.**_Loopin gasped. Draco began to take all of his cloves off and I could see his white Vampire took his own clotes off too. We all began making out 2gther sexily. I took off my blak leather bra,my blak lace thong and the rest of my clothes. Every1 took their glocksout except 4 me im a girl lol. "Oh mi satan! Draco!" I screamed as he put his hardness in my thingy Den he did da same fing to Harry.

**I feel bad for Lupin.**

I began making out wiv Satan and he joined in. _**This is just so disturbing.**_"OMS!111" cried Vampire. "Oh Vampire! Vampire!" I screamed screamed. "Oh Satan!" yelled Harry in pleasore. Loopin watched in shock. _**Poor Lupin.**_Wee took turns doing torture curses on him koz we were all sadists. **We need to rescue ****him!**Suddenly….. **Trina and Katt run in, kill the Mary Sue, then save Lupin and the other characters from being canon raped.**

_**We're not going to torture Ebony.**_

**Don't sink down to her level, dude.**

….a big blak car that said 666 on the license plate flew strait through da windows. And Snap wuz in it!11

Chapter 43

_**Last chapter!**_

**Home stretch! Are you guys sad?**

_**I'm not.**_

**I meant the readers.**

AN: well I hav noffing 2 say but evrt1 stup glamming ok!111 if any gofik ppl r reading dis den u rok!11 omg I stil kant wait 4 da movie!1 tom fleton is so hot lol i hop harry wil bekum gofik koz mi frend told me he iz rlly emo in dis book!1111 omfg im leeving dubya pretty soon kant wait! Diz wil prolly be da last chaptah until I kum bak.

"Dat's mi car!" shooted Draco angrily. But suddenly it was revealied who was in da car. It wuz….Snape!

"I shall free you Loopin but first you must help me kill these idiotic donderheads." _**Great insult!**_he said cruelly from the car as it flew circumamcizing above us. "Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way must be killed. Den the Dork Lord shall never die!"

**Now who's the Dork Lord?**

_**The Geek in your geometry class.**_

**What the hell? I'm not the Dork Lord!**

_**The other geek.**_

**Oh okay.**

"You fucking prep!" yelled Draco. Then he loked at me sadly. "I forgot to tell u, Ebony. Snape made me do it with him. I didn't really have sexx him but he's a ropeist!"We were so scarred!1 But Satan didn't change. Instead he changed into a man with gren eyes, no nose, a gray robe and white skin. He had changed into… Voldemont!111

**Satan is Voldemort?**

_**Le gasp!**_

"I knew who thou were all along." he cackled evilly and sarcastically at me. "Now I shall kill thee all!" Thunder came in da room.

"No plz don't kill us!" pleaded Willow, B'loody Mary, Diabolo, Ginny, Drocula, Fred and Gorge, **Not FRED! That's my Potter husband!**Hargrid, McGonagall, Dumblydore, Serious and Lucian all ran in.

"What is da meaning of dis?" Dumblydore asked all angrily and Voldimort lookd away (bcos dumblydore is da only whizard he is scared of.) _**Finally! Something canon!**_ He did a spell and suddenly his broomstick came to him sexily. Volxemort flew above the roof evilly on his broomstik.

"Oh my goth!" Slugborn gosped. (geddit kos im goffik)

"The Dark Lord shall kill all of you. Then you must submit to him!" Snape ejaculated menacingly.

**(reads again, then bursts into tears) That was beautiful!**

_**You're going to make me- dammit!**_

"You fucking preppy fags!" Serious shouted angrily.

"I know a four-letter word 4 dirt, CRUCIATUS!"screamed Harry but da sparks from his wand only hit Draco's car. It fell down Snap quickly crowled out of it and picked up the cideo camera.

"Oh my fucking god!1" I cried becoze the video of me in da bathrum, the video of me dong it wif Drako and the video of Satan doing it with

"If you kill me then deze cideos will be shown to everyone in the skull. Then u can be just like that goffik girl Paris Hillton." He laughed meanly.

"No!" I scremed. "FYI I hav da picter of u doing it with Loopin!11"

"Whats she talking abott?" Lupin slurped as he sat in chains.  
>"I saw 2 she's gunna show evry1 da picter!111" Harry shouted angrily.<p>

"Shut up!111'" Lumpkin roared. **Lumpkin?**

"Foolish ignoramuses!" yielded Voldemort from his broomstick. "Thou shall all dye soon."

_**That insult is my new favorite!**_

**Eh, my favorite is still mediocre dunce.**

"Think again you fucking muggle poser!1" Harry yelled and then he and Diablo and Navel both took out blak guns! But Voldimort took out his own one.

**You have wands! **

"U guyz are in a Latin stand-of!111" I shouted despariedrly.

_**A Latin stand-off. Who speaks better Latin? GO!**_

**Post hoc ergo propter hoc! We're learning logical fallacies in school.**

_**Tara Gilesbie est stultus scire qui indiget vitantur scribere fanfiction aeternum et semper et semper.**_

**Huh?**

_**Tara Gilesbie is a foolish ignoramus who needs to be banned from writing fanfiction forever and ever and ever.**_

**You win.**

_**Google Translator, bitch.**_

"Acco Nevel's wand!11" cried Voldrimort nd suddenly Nevil's wind was in his hands. "Now I shall kill thee all and Evony u will die!11111"

He maid lighting come all over da place.

"Save us Ebony!" Dumbledark cried.

I cried sexily I just wanted 2 go 2 the commen room and slit my wrists with mi friends while we watched Shark Attak 3 and Saw 2 and do it with Draco but I knew I had 2 do somefing more impotent.

"ABRA KEDABRA!11111" I shooted.

**We're done?**

_**We're done. WE MADE IT!**_

**YES! (dances for a few seconds, but then stops) You know, Katt, I'm gonna miss you.**

_**Don't get all clingy on me.**_

**Katt.**

_**Yeah, I'll miss you too. But I'm always here, in that crazy head of yours. However, I'm going to be this way for a while. You know, all out of control.**_

**How long?**

_**I don't know. When did you start the commentary?**_

**January 13. One month and 16 days.**

_**That's how long I'm going to be like this. YAY!**_

**(faints)**

_**The end**_


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